5 Best Sports Moments of 2016

We all know the running jokes about how awful 2016 was…because it was. Those sick sons of bitches stole Harambe from us. Stupid Idiots. Remember this New Years, take a shot for Harambe…he took one for you. Don’t be a selfish prick. However, I am not here to focus on the bad. Instead, I want to focus on some pretty kick ass things that happened in 2016, at least in the sports world.

5. Dee Gordon honors Jose Fernandez with Home Run110marlins27-spt-mjo

I know this isn’t necessarily awesome because it pertains to a terrible boating accident that killed Miami Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez, who was loved around the league. But when his teammate Dee Gordon blasted a lead off home run into the stands, you can’t help but get the feels. I get chills  and tear up just thinking about it. All the Marlins wore No. 16 to honor their teammate. Gordon took the first pitch right handed to honor Fernandez. Then, switched back to the left hand side. Gordon is not a home run hitter. That was his ninth career home run in over 500 games. You can’t make this shit up.

4. Katie Ledecky 800 m Free Winday-6-thumb

She is not a human being. If you did not watch the Olympics, I feel sorry for you. The Olympics had some amazing moments, but this one takes the cake. Ledecky beat the person in second place by 12 seconds. Some genius on Twitter put Vanessa Carlton’s 1000 miles over the race and said “she literally had until making my way downtown to win.” It was incredible. I was blowing up my friends’ phones during the race because that just doesn’t happen.

3. Kevin Harlan with the greatest call everhqdefault

I am not going to do this one any justices by trying to explain this one…click here to listen.  As someone who has done play-by-play and color commentary, I know how hard the job is. So for Harlan to pull that kind of magic, good for him. That will go down as an all time great call for radio.

2. LeBron leads the Cavs to first NBA Titleccfnw79usaehhtl

Bring home the gold. LeBron went from hero to villain to hero again. We all know the story of how he left Cleveland and people had their poor feelings hurt as a result. Cry me a river. He returned home to Cleveland and won a title in two years. It was awesome. He continues to chase the legacy as the greatest of all time. The more LeBron wins, the happier I am.

1. Chicago Cubs Win World Seriesr148179_608x342_16-9

Was there another option? 108 years is a long fucking time. The Cubs winning was my favorite thing to ever happen in the sports world. This Cubs team is awesome from top to bottom and those fans (despite how much I hate them for the treatment of Steve Bartman) deserved it. They are some of the most loyal in the world and have waited a long time for this. Many die hards had to watch this from the pearly gates. Where you are…Fly the W Baaabyyyy!

Advertisements

Top 5 Gifts I Hope Santa Brings to the Sports World

First and foremost, Merry Christmas to all. Happy holidays to those who may not celebrate Christmas. If you’re not celebrating anything, happy…weekend, I guess.

If any of that offends you, that is so 2016. Let’s get some thicker skin, huh?

Anyway, it is Christmas Eve so I decided to write another Hotard Top 5. This will consist of the five things I want more than anything to happen in the sports world. Santa, put your juju on for me and make it happen. If not, I might be forced to kick you and Rudolph in your bright red balls next year. Just kidding though, please don’t give me coal tonight.

5. Get Rid of Sean Payton26951341

It is no secret that I despise Sean Payton. I can deal with arrogance, but that arrogance better come with some results. For the past three years, the Saints have underachieved and the defense continues to suck. Meanwhile, Drew Brees is having another fantastic season. Sean Payton is constantly a dickhead when asked about poor performances from the team. I hate how he can get his team rallied to beat down his former adversary Gregg Williams, but then they come out flat every other week. Your act is wearing thin and I won’t feel sorry for you when you get canned or traded (hoping for the latter). You’re a fuckboy.

4. Better Year in Fantasy Football1455.gif

2016 was easily the worst year I have ever had in fantasy football. You have to fall from grace at some point, I guess. I can’t tell you the last time I went a year without winning at least one league. I usually do three or four each year and will usually make the playoffs in most. I barely made the playoffs in one and stunk it up in the other two. I lost every bet I made. I made several dumb trades. I just flat out sucked. I placed 12th, 9th and 4th (out of 8). Yay me.

3. Saban to lose to Urban Meyer…againkjhte

If there is one coach I despise more than Sean Payton, it is Nick Saban. The guy is a total twat. I understand his greatness, but I can’t respect a guy who constantly bitches about the direction of the game. First, it was no-huddle offenses and that it was dangerous for players. I doubt you give two fucks about your players and you had zero evidence to back that up. You were just pissed because you had to put in 90 extra hours to game plan for it. Now, you’re bitching about satellite camps. Just shut up and adapt. Stop being a cunt your entire life. For the love of God, smile once in a while. Otherwise, I hope Krampus comes and eats your soul. On the other side, Urban Meyer is the man. The second he went to Ohio State, guess who jumped on that bandwagon? Yeah, this guy. Anyway, I just hope Urban Meyer bests Saban again to prove why he is a better coach. He rebuilt Utah, then Florida and now Ohio State. Dude is a legend.

2. Nicholls Football to Win Conferencetumblr_inline_nbm62meiVR1sij1o5.gif

Santa, I know I may not need as much help on this one. Why you ask? Because Tim Rebowe is a God. I am so proud of this program and the direction it has taken. After sitting through four years of misery, I want some results. I hope 2017 brings Nicholls the first Southland Conference Title since 2005. Geaux Colonels!

1. Kurt Angle Returns to WWEkurt-angle

This dude won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freaking neck! It’s true. Oh, it’s damn true. The rumors have been circling for quite some time now. He is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. I am going to fanboy so hard if and when the time comes for him to grace a WWE ring again. Hell, never thought I would see Goldberg again. It can happen. Let it happen in 2017, please.

Make the Pro Bowl Great Aga…For the First Time Ever

The Pro Bowl is the worst all-star event in all of sports, period. The NBA all-star weekend, while meaningless, is at least fun to watch. The MLB all-star game is at least meaningful with the winning conference getting home field advantage for the World Series. Those two sports have celebrity games and gimmick events like the slam dunk contest and home run derby.

What does the NFL have? A boring and risky game with nothing on the line. I would rather have someone take a blow torch to my eyes then watch the Pro Bowl. It is a shit show. 201601_0937_faedf_sm

To make matters worse, it is fan-voted just like the rest of the all-star teams. I am over it. Every year, there are a handful of players who get snubbed. I am not going to get into all the snubs this season.

I will say this…I would much rather coaches from around the league and analysts like Jon Gruden, Greg Cosell and guys like that voting for the leagues best. You know, people who actually watch game film. Instead, people who say “bruh, he so cold on Madden” are voting for this bullshit.

I am here to give you a million-dollar idea to make the Pro Bowl great for the first time ever.

Ditch the one game and host a “Pro Bowl” weekend in different cities each year. The players selected don’t even participate anymore. Last year, 43 players sat out and each team holds 44. Almost an entire team refused to play. Score one for the NFL.

Open the voting at the same time each year. I would prefer to see the NFL take the decision out of the fans’ hands, but if not, so be it. It doesn’t matter who votes with the idea I have.

Make the Pro Bowl a three day special. Friday night will have a draft. Saturday will be a skills challenge. Sunday will be a flag football tournament.

I would have the entire weekend televised by the NFL network or ESPN, whoever the hell wants to pick it up. I don’t give a shit. But for the love of God, make it fun.

Friday – Draft

Add a fifth receiver to each conference, which would make 90 total players. The NFL currently has six QBs in the Pro Bowl. Now that we established the rosters, this is where the fun begins.

Most die hard sports fans salivate over drafts of any kind, whether it is fantasy sports or real sports. There is nothing more fun than uncertainty of where a player will end up.

Therefore…

On the Friday of Pro Bowl weekend, they can have a 16 round snake style draft with the six QBs picking their respective teams. Now I know you are saying, “17 players on six teams? That doesn’t equal 90 players.” You also have 12 celebrities in the draft and each team is required to have two celebrities. Imagine Justin Bieber guarding Julio Jones…glorious. Honestly, JB may win that battle if he starts singing because Julio would quit mid route to admire the talent of the Biebs. Yeah, I am a Bieber fan so suck it.

Can you imagine Kiper on draft day though?image

“Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, I gotta be honest with you. I think Derek Carr reached here taking Channing Tatum in the 6th round. I get it. He has a solid physique and a funny guy, but don’t you think the ladies will be swarming all weekend? That could be a huge distraction. I just don’t think it is a safe pick here, Todd.”

Then Gruden…

“I’ll tell you what man, this as good of a pick as you’re going to get in the sixth round and need a celebrity. You’re other options are Larry the Cable Guy and Justin Bieber, Tatum is the way to go. This guy has a beautiful body. It is very fluid and he can really play the jump ball and take the top off the defense. If you take the D out of Draft, you got raft. Channing is going to help them float to the top…man.” john-gruden-o.gif

After the draft, obviously the coverage continues with post draft interviews, draft grades, dark horses to win the tournament, etc.

Saturday – Skills Challenge

On Saturday, each team competes in a skills challenge. The teams will compete in obstacle courses, the 40 yard dash, catching from jug machines and various events like that. Interviews will be conducted throughout the day during the events. There would be a point system for first, second and third place. The overall winner of the skills challenge on Saturday wins x amount of dollars to donate to their charity of choice.

Sunday – Flag Football Tournament

On Sunday, this is where the flag football tournament takes place. The two QBs who have the most yards selected to the Pro Bowl get first round byes in the tournament. This is set up exactly like the NFL playoffs. The one seed plays the worst surviving seed from the first round and the second seed plays the other team. 63385648

  • 20 minutes per half (running clock, except last two minutes)
  • 80×40 field (10 yard line to 10 yard line)
  • Two timeouts per half
  • 8 v 8 (1 celebrity on the field at all times)
  • 20 yards for 1st down (30 yard line, 50 yard line, 30 yard line)
  • 2 point conversion 20 yards out
  • Extra point – 35 yard field goal
  • No rush on any kicks or punts, therefore no fakes either

The back of the end zone will be at the 10 yard line due to the kicking and punting game.
This will compete field goals relatively manageable. Teams can elect to kick a field goal or punt on fourth down.

After scoring a touchdown, teams will elect to kick or go for two. That is where the kickers come in to play. Don’t wait too late to draft one, there are two kickers and two punters.

The winner of the tournament also wins x amount of dollars to donate to charity of choice.

Conclusion

This idea is fucking gold and I would love to see this happen.