Top 5 Gifts I Hope Santa Brings to the Sports World
First and foremost, Merry Christmas to all. Happy holidays to those who may not celebrate Christmas. If you’re not celebrating anything, happy…weekend, I guess.
If any of that offends you, that is so 2016. Let’s get some thicker skin, huh?
Anyway, it is Christmas Eve so I decided to write another Hotard Top 5. This will consist of the five things I want more than anything to happen in the sports world. Santa, put your juju on for me and make it happen. If not, I might be forced to kick you and Rudolph in your bright red balls next year. Just kidding though, please don’t give me coal tonight.
5. Get Rid of Sean Payton
It is no secret that I despise Sean Payton. I can deal with arrogance, but that arrogance better come with some results. For the past three years, the Saints have underachieved and the defense continues to suck. Meanwhile, Drew Brees is having another fantastic season. Sean Payton is constantly a dickhead when asked about poor performances from the team. I hate how he can get his team rallied to beat down his former adversary Gregg Williams, but then they come out flat every other week. Your act is wearing thin and I won’t feel sorry for you when you get canned or traded (hoping for the latter). You’re a fuckboy.
4. Better Year in Fantasy Football
2016 was easily the worst year I have ever had in fantasy football. You have to fall from grace at some point, I guess. I can’t tell you the last time I went a year without winning at least one league. I usually do three or four each year and will usually make the playoffs in most. I barely made the playoffs in one and stunk it up in the other two. I lost every bet I made. I made several dumb trades. I just flat out sucked. I placed 12th, 9th and 4th (out of 8). Yay me.
3. Saban to lose to Urban Meyer…again
If there is one coach I despise more than Sean Payton, it is Nick Saban. The guy is a total twat. I understand his greatness, but I can’t respect a guy who constantly bitches about the direction of the game. First, it was no-huddle offenses and that it was dangerous for players. I doubt you give two fucks about your players and you had zero evidence to back that up. You were just pissed because you had to put in 90 extra hours to game plan for it. Now, you’re bitching about satellite camps. Just shut up and adapt. Stop being a cunt your entire life. For the love of God, smile once in a while. Otherwise, I hope Krampus comes and eats your soul. On the other side, Urban Meyer is the man. The second he went to Ohio State, guess who jumped on that bandwagon? Yeah, this guy. Anyway, I just hope Urban Meyer bests Saban again to prove why he is a better coach. He rebuilt Utah, then Florida and now Ohio State. Dude is a legend.
2. Nicholls Football to Win Conference
Santa, I know I may not need as much help on this one. Why you ask? Because Tim Rebowe is a God. I am so proud of this program and the direction it has taken. After sitting through four years of misery, I want some results. I hope 2017 brings Nicholls the first Southland Conference Title since 2005. Geaux Colonels!
1. Kurt Angle Returns to WWE
This dude won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freaking neck! It’s true. Oh, it’s damn true. The rumors have been circling for quite some time now. He is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. I am going to fanboy so hard if and when the time comes for him to grace a WWE ring again. Hell, never thought I would see Goldberg again. It can happen. Let it happen in 2017, please.