If you want a quick way to lose friend, fuck politics…start talking about your favorite sports movies. That is a one way ticket to being a sad and lonely individual. That is a risk I am willing to take with this next list in the series of the Hotard Top 5.
Movies were such a massive part of my childhood, especially sports flicks. I am a walking movie quote. Half the shit that flows from my mouth is movie quotes. Ask my co-workers, friends or family, they don’t understand most of the things I say. And my dear wife, bless your fucking heart.
I was watching my absolutely favorite sports movie the other day and it got me thinking this would be a great topic to write about. So let’s begin…
5. Rookie of the Year
Oh god, what is not to love about this one! If we can get past the unrealistic notion that a child can play in Major League Baseball, this is one of the best. Plus…Gary Freaking Busey! If you grew up playing baseball, you knew this movie and chances are you loved it. It may have made every child actually want to break their arm so they can throw nothing but gas. This really is your classic cheesy sports movie. I love that Sal Martinella always mispronounced star pitcher Henry Rowengartner’s name, from Ravenboozer to Rosenbagger…Classic! Did I mention Gary Busey?! Oh, and Daniel Stern as the crazy ass pitching coach.
Favorite Quote: “Throw him the high…stinky…cheddar!” ~Henry Rowengartner
Although this movie is based on a true story, it is overly exaggerated. That doesn’t make it any less of a film. This is your classic underdog story. I absolutely love it. This movie was the one that gave me hope of living out my dreams to become a professional baseball player, which I obviously accomplished (insert fart noise). The quote you will read below relates perfectly to that. I lose it every time I watch the scene where the team throws their jerseys on the desk of former Notre Dame coach Dan Devine to follow through with Ara Parseghian’s promise to Rudy. This is one of the best sports dramas ever made. Entering my teenage years, this was my favorite. As I got older, opinions obviously changed. But, there is no way this doesn’t make the top 5.
Favorite quote: “Dreams are what make life tolerable.” ~Pete, Rudy’s best friend
3. The Sandlot
I watched this on repeat when I was barely out of diapers. This is the movie that made me want to play baseball. I am also convinced Hamilton Porter is why I became quite the trash talker. The scene with those preppy douche canoes coming onto the sandlot and challenging the squad is legendary. Ham let those squares have it. After acting like a bunch of dick wads, the preps get curb stomped. Legendary! Squints putting the moves on Wendy Peffercorn was legendary. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez’s showdown with Hercules was legendary. After all, the beast allegedly ate a kid. Plus…James Earl Jones man!
Favorite Quote: “Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart kid. You’ll never go wrong.” ~Babe Ruth
2. Remember the Titans
If you or anyone you know happens to a be a racist butt plug. Tie them to a chair and make them watch this movie. No sports movie knows how to tug at my heart strings more than Remember the Titans. I cry multiple times every single time I watch this one. It blows my mind that there are still so many people out there who refuse to look at someone equally because of the color of their skin. This movie teaches so many wonderful life lessons. I love the hospital scene where Julius comes to check on Gerry and the nurse says only kin. Gerry quickly asks the nurse if she’s blind because that’s his brother and raises his fist. Gets me every time. I also love the end after TC wins the state championship when Coach Yoast tells Coach Boone that he was the right man for the job. To which Boone replies, you’re a hall of famer in my book (after getting snubbed by stupid white people) and the two raise their hands together in victory. Glorious!
Favorite Quote: “You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts…and then you will run a mile. PERFECTION!” ~Herman Boone
1. D2: The Mighty Ducks
Ducks Fly Together! My heart lies with the ducks. The older I get, the more I love this movie. This is undoubtedly one of the few sequels that completely trumps the original. I can guarantee this movie is the only reason many of us in the south know two rips about hockey. Obviously this movie was a spin off of the 1980’s Olympics and it was done to perfection. The Ducks had to look outside of Minnesota to add some talent to the already loaded roster. Can you imagine the Ducks if they never landed Julie the Cat, Kenny Wu, Dean Portman, Dwayne Robertson, Russ Tyler or Luis Mendoza? I sure as hell can’t. I could watch this movie on repeat and it never gets old. In fact, I could watch the entire trilogy on repeat. This movie was the birth of the Bash Brothers, the knuckle puck and the term Ducks Fly Together! After winning the gold at the Junior Goodwill Games, who didn’t want to be part of that campfire when the team sings We are the Champions? I know I did. And as always, Gordon Bombay over everything.
Favorite Quote: “Gordon, when I told the Goodwill committee who you were, I did not talk to them about your good looks. I didn’t tell them you would win at any cost. I told them you were a man who loves the game. And I told them you were a man who could teach the kids… about more than just about winning or losing. I told them you were the Minnesota Miracle Man, and only you could teach them to fly. So be that man. Be that man, Gordon.” ~Jan