The magical event that is Wrestlemania is upon us! It is easily my favorite event of the year…that and the NFL Draft. If you don’t know what Wrestlemania is, you just made the fucking list. It is basically the Super Bowl of professional wrestling, except so much better. You know why I love wrestling more than sports? I am guaranteed entertainment even if I hate the results. Although I loved watching Peyton Manning get destroyed by the Legion of Boom, Super Bowls can end in boring blowouts. I was on my phone the majority of that game. As Wrestlemania 33 approaches us, I have some mixed feelings about this year’s PPV.
This is where my biggest issue lies with this year’s mania.
In short, the build for most of the matches was rather bland. I was waiting for something major to pop off in the last few weeks, especially the go-home episodes of Raw and Smackdown, but it just wasn’t there. While most of the builds make sense, it just lacks excitement.
Lesnar/Goldberg ended with a sub par spear and Goldberg standing tall…yay.
The Tag Team Division on both Raw and Smackdown has been a major clusterfuck for months, which is why I am holding out hope on the Hardys returning to WWE. #FreeBrokenMattHardy
The only two builds I have thoroughly enjoyed are Seth Rollins/Triple H and Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho
However, that is not stopping me from being excited for Wrestlemania 33 simply because of the…
For everything the build to the show of shows has lacked, the match ups are just super. This is easily the best card since my love for wrestling resurfaced back in 2010-11. It could be because the talent pool in WWE is so deep right now. There are five matches that could easily be headliners any other year. I will rate my excitement for each match on a scale of 1-10.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
I am sure we will have a Strowman/Big Show face off here…OR ELSE! RAWR. Braun Strowman is a douche canoe. This is the one match I will definitely be pissing during.
Austin Aries v Neville (Cruiserweight Title)
Since Neville basically became Brock Lesnar of the Cruiserweight Division, things got interesting. Aries has been fantastic since making his main roster debut. Not sure who is walking out with the title, but this match should be great. It is a shame it is on the preshow.
Smackdown Women’s Title Match
We have another six-pack challenge! In other words, “we have no idea what to do with our women on Smackdown. Throw them all in one match? Yeah. That seems good.”
Excitement: At least there are boobs…
Baron Corbin v Dean Ambrose (IC Title)
Corbin is a stud in the making and Ambrose always brings it. This match isn’t getting talked about enough and I think this could be a potential show stealer.
John Cena/Nikki Bella v Miz/Maryse
WHEN MY HAND GOES UP, YOUR MOUTH GOES SHUT! The Miz has been one of the best heels in WWE this past year and John Cena hasn’t actually put me to sleep lately. I feel like I should have to pay someone for saying that. Despite that, I hate mixed-gender tag matches. Wait, am I supposed to say that? Isn’t the term gender now politically incorrect? I can’t keep up damn it.
Club v Enzo/Cass v Sheamus Cesaro (Tag Team Title Ladder Match)
Remember how I said the build has been poo-poo? Still doesn’t change the fact that I am anxious to see this one. Ladder matches are one of the few gimmick matches I still love. Cesaro has a tendency to do some crazy shit so that alone has me excited.
Chris Jericho v Kevin Owens
That stupid idiot Kevin Owens finally made the list…punk bitch. This is THE match of the night. I am looking forward to this one the most. Unfortunately, we know how this one will end with Jericho leaving WWE to go back on tour. At least he gets to lose to Kevin Owens. Love both these guys.
Charlotte v Banks v Jax v Bayley (Fatal Four Way Raw Women’s Title)
What is not to love? You have Charlotte, Sasha and Bayley! I couldn’t care less about Nia. This is what we have been waiting for since Charlotte and Sasha had their call ups. All roads would lead to these three. I wish the fourth was Becky Lynch, but I will take those three in one ring at least. This is just the tip of the iceberg for the Women’s Revolution…let’s fucking goooooo!
Shane McMahon v AJ Styles
I wish AJ would not be wasted for this match, but Shane usually has some pretty exciting matches historically because of the high flying ridiculous spots. As far as AJ aka the face that runs the place, he can make a baked potato have a five star match with him. I don’t know how excited I am, but anxious…sure.
Seth Rollins v Triple H
This match is being billed as “non-sanctioned.” I guess we will find out soon enough what that actually means. I am assuming both Sami Zayn and Samoa Joe will get involved. Triple H hasn’t shown his age at all yet. He can still bring it and Rollins is still THE MAN! He is SETH FREAKING ROLLINS. I am curious to see what happens, but to say I am not excited would be a lie.
Undertaker v Roman Reigns
Ultimately, the ending of this match is going to determine how excited I am about it. Rumors are flying that this is the last match of the night, which I think means something big will happen. Roman Reigns might actually turn heel. Taker fucking blows harder than a high end hooker at this point. Win or lose, I hope Roman spears him back to hell after the match and then proceeds to destroy him. For the simple fact that Reigns may turn heel finally, that raises the bar.
Bray Wyatt v Randy Orton (WWE Title)
Wyatt is finally being utilized as a main eventer so thank God for that. I have always loved Orton so these two guys competing for a title is huge for me. The build has been kind of meh, but again these two are main event players.
Brock Lesnar v Goldberg (Universal Title)
No matter the result, this match will be over in 2 minutes or less and I don’t care about it at all. Goldberg squashed Lesnar which was awesome because of how surprising it was. There will be no shock this time, so you don’t have shit.