I chose my words wisely with the headline for this column. I almost put the word “job” instead of title, however that could get a few people’s panties in a wad. One thing I have always wanted in life (when the time was right of course) was to be a father. The thought of having a little mini-me is exciting.
I came home from work on January 11 and my wife had asked me to come see in the bedroom (get your mind out the gutter sleaze ball). I thought she had bought some new piece of decor or some bullshit like that (sorry babe)…I was wrong. She set up a board with a note from my future child that read…
Start training for sleepless nights and early mornings. See you in September!
Attached to the board was multiple pregnancy tests and I absolutely lost it. I was so happy that our dream of having children had come true. It wasn’t the easiest path for us. So to those who struggle or perhaps can’t have children, I am terribly sorry. My heart truly breaks for you.
For those who can and it just isn’t happening, keep trying and keep your head up! Easier said than done, I know. But just fight through it!
Last weekend, we finally found out the gender (or is that wrong to assume gender?) of our little nugget. Of course the politically correct answer to what we wanted was a healthy baby with 10 toes and 10 fingers, but I am sorry, most people have a preference. I was definitely one of them. We have always talked about having boys.
Heading into the big day, we thought for sure it was a girl. In my head, I was 90% sure I was going to have a daughter. That would have been great too! I wouldn’t be upset if I was having a little girl, but I knew what I wanted. Beggars can’t be choosers though, right?
We revealed the gender by dropping a bath bomb into a homemade fountain. If the water turned pink, we were getting our girl. If it turned blue, we were getting our boy. After my wife dropped the bath bomb in, it was taking forever to show up. After hearing someone scream to pick it up and see what it is, I obliged. To my surprise, it was fucking blue! I lost it! My wife lost it! I could not believe my eyes. I instantly dropped the bomb back in the water and ran to the back fence and screamed to the empty golf course, but you would think I was screaming to the world…LETS GOOOOO! I followed that up by jumping in the pool because I just found out I am having a boy damn it!
I got my boy and most importantly, I get to have the one thing I have always wanted…to be a dad. I can’t wait.
I am ready for those sleepless nights. I am ready to wake up to the cries of my son in the middle of the night. Maybe a I will find a few surprises in his bed and diaper. Might as well embrace whatever happens.
I am ready for this little dude to spit up his food on my back and shirt. We have washing machines and showers…no biggie.
I am ready to help this little guy take his first steps. I am ready to watch him fall on his ass and laugh about it.
I am ready for those little baby laughs that will probably make my heart melt.
I am ready for all the slobber and snot. He can use my shirt. I use it all the time. Don’t judge me.
I can’t wait to share the amount of useless movie quotes (it’s a disease really), wrestling moves, sports statistics with my guy.
As he gets older, I envision sitting on the couch with him on Mondays watching WWE. I envision taking him to Saints games on Sundays. I envision tossing the football around with him in the yard or shooting hoops. Because us Hotard’s know how to score…heyoooooo.
Most importantly, I am ready to guide this little guy through life. I hope he learns to always be himself and be the best version of himself that he can be. I hope he works hard in everything he does. I hope he treats people with respect.
I am ready to teach him all these things. I haven’t even met this kid yet and I already love him so much. Watching him tumble around in my beautiful wife’s belly, I can see this kid is certainly my son! He is going to be a handful and I can’t wait!
Get ready for more of the Gift of the Hotard…we got a boy maaaaaan!