Dear Finn,

We are about a month out from meeting you for the first time. It still doesn’t feel totally real to me yet. As our friends have their children and I am around them, all I think about is you.

I cannot wait to have you in my arms for the first time hoping to never let go. Because in my arms, I will feel like I can protect you from everything that is wrong in this world. That moment when I get to meet you for the first time is something I have been looking forward to for what seems like an eternity.18268498_10210757323428331_4392107503698073527_n.jpg

Who are you going to look like? Who’s laugh are you going to have? Will you be more easy going like me? Are you going to be more headstrong like your mom? These are all questions I am excited to get the answers to.

I cannot wait for all the diaper changes and by some grace of God you actually decide to piss in my face. You know you’ve made it in life when the highlight of your day is getting bodily fluids shot at you.

I cannot wait for the sleepless nights because you are next to us crying because you want to be held, changed or need to eat. Most people wouldn’t consider that a blessing or something to look forward to. I am not most people. I am your father and I can’t wait for all the responsibility that comes with the most rewarding title I will ever have.

You are always going to be our little miracle baby. You are the one who gave us hope and happiness. It was tough for us each month when the news came that we weren’t expecting. It was like being stuck in a nightmare. Only that nightmare was our reality. That was the biggest fear for your mom. Somewhere deep in the back of my head, it was mine.

I hope when you read this that you love Disney as much as we do. It will always hold a special place in your mom and I’s hearts, it is magical. We would do just about anything to have a baby.

When we were there in December for our anniversary, we made a wish in the well by Cinderella’s Castle. We made a wish during the “Wishes” firework show. Our wish came true. A little more than a month later, we found out you were coming.

I will never forget the day I came home and found out you were coming. I walked into your mom and I’s bedroom and saw the board she made for me. It said “Hi Daddy, Start training for sleepless nights and early mornings. See you in September. Love Baby H.”17200909_10158290656575697_2560791627160263930_n.jpg

I looked at your mom with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes and just said “wait, you’re pregnant?” Then I absolutely lost it. I know how much it killed her as months went by and we were not pregnant. She has always wanted to be a mother. Your mom is going to be the best at it. I can promise you that. So you better make sure she knows how much you love her.

She would sit on the couch and just watch you move around in her belly. You did that quite a bit. Trust me, you were a wild child. I wonder who you get that from…

My first moment where I knew priorities would change happened a day after I found out about you. I was playing basketball and I tore my PCL. When I felt the pop, the only thought on my mind was you. You were just a speck at that point, but I kept thinking “what happens if I need surgery?” I knew you would need me and if I couldn’t provide for you and your mom because of a stupid injury that could have been avoided, that was going to kill me.

Your mom and I have never wanted anything more than to have a beautiful baby. We are so glad it is you.

I may not have met you yet. It doesn’t matter though. You had me the first time I heard the best sound in the world…your sweet little heart beating. That is a sound and moment that lives in your head forever.

That tiny heart is going to grow into one of the biggest and best hearts I know if your mom and I have anything to say about it.20992729_10211701220625171_2486311444585986510_n.jpg

Hearing that amazing heartbeat is only the beginning. We have so much to look forward to. Not just in the next few months, but for the rest of your life.

I know how much I love you already, so I can’t imagine the euphoric feeling that I am in store for when I see that adorable face for the first time. Everyone tells me how indescribable it is. The day I first lay eyes on you is the first day of the rest of my life.

Through the first steps, the first words and everything in between, this is my promise to be the best man I can be for you.

I hope to be a role model for you. When someone asks who your biggest influence is, I hope I was impactful enough for you to say “my dad.”

If I am ever asked that question, I know that would be my answer. I hope I can only half the man he is. I was blessed to have many great men to look up to growing up, including your paw paw and your G. I hope to be that for you.

I am sure there will be times where you may say you hate me because I punish you or come down on you. I want you to know that is all sparked from love for you. Your best interest will always be close to my heart.18527523_10210866744843798_4567300360011141652_n.jpg

I haven’t met you yet, but you’re a Hotard and my son. I know what you’re capable of. I want you to always give your absolute best no matter what you do. I want you to know that you can ALWAYS come to me if you have an issue. I want us to have an honest relationship with each other.

If you are feeling upset, come to me. If you are feeling happy, come to me. If you are feeling angry, come to me. If you are feeling frustrated, come to me. I am always here for you.

I recently did a post about 5 lessons I want you to learn. I want to rehash that here.

No matter what, I always want you to be yourself. Don’t conform your beliefs or your character out of fear or ridicule. The best thing you can be in life is yourself. Don’t ever forget that.

Treat everyone with dignity and respect. Not everyone is as fortunate as you and it is important for us to help them when we can. Stand up for what is right.

If some other kid is bullying someone on the playground, stand up for the one being bullied. Be a voice for the voiceless. Be a leader.

Treat any girl you date with the respect she deserves. I want you to find the same thing I found with your mom. What we have is special and we never give up on each other. I hope that for you. Coming home to someone you care about more than yourself is the best feeling in the world.20914307_10211701215505043_1621164630851643313_n

Our marriage has good days and bad days and you will probably learn that. But no matter what, we will always love each other.

As I anticipate your arrival, I constantly wonder what you will like. Will you love Disney like your mom and I? To be honest, I don’t think you have much of a choice in that one.

We already have your first trip planned and you’re not even here yet. We are going in October of 2018. I can’t wait to see your face light up when you see your favorite characters. You probably won’t remember it. Your mom and I will and we will take plenty of pictures and videos. Nothing like the sight of a child meeting their favorite character.

Will you love wrestling like me? I always talk about how awesome it will be sitting with you on a Monday Night and watching WWE. I hope you love it as much as I do and we can attend live shows like I used to do with your paw paw. If I haven’t told you the story how we were featured on a popular wrestling web show, remind me to tell you that one.

Your mom and I hope you love swimming. We hope that turns out to be one of your favorite sports. We plan on putting you in swim lessons at six months and we hope you just let it grow from there.

Although I played baseball growing up, I hope your other sport of choice is basketball. I fell in love with the sport when I attended Nicholls.

There is a reason I had a 1.2 GPA my first semester and it took two and a half years to be classified as a sophomore. Don’t follow in my foot steps there though, please.

We would spend hours and hours in the Shaver gym. It is a great sport. Your great-grandpa was a fine basketball player. He also wasn’t vertically challenged like me. Maybe you’ll get the Stant genes. Maybe not. Either way, you’re white. Corner threes all day.

Even though we have all these visions for you, I want you to be your own person. If you hate basketball, I won’t hold that against you. My job is to guide you through life. Not push you to the point of hating something or even me. This is my promise to do that. Be who you are.

No matter who you are, the only thing I ask is to give life your best shot and follow your heart and fill your life with love. Don’t be consumed by hate. Let your love be your guide.

I can’t wait to meet you buddy. I know I am going to love being your dad. Hopefully when you are reading this years later, always remember how much your mother and I love you. I hope I can be the person you look up to most because I want nothing more than to make you proud to say “that’s my dad.”

Love,
Your Dad

 

 

 

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