Today my awesome little dude, Finn, makes a week old. Wow. It has been a journey to say the least. For the record, I am totally joking with that headline. I am getting a grasp on it and adjusting pretty well.

They say your life changes once you have child. When people tell you that your life is going to change, there is always that small moment of hesitation before that person says “in a good way though.” dVJNUJlVS6yeyEYhtJIL_Confused Mark Wahlberg.gif

Well no shit, it is a baby. It is not Nazi Germany.

Since my son arrived, I have been on quite the emotional roller coaster. You would think I was taking estrogen pills. Although, you might think that anyway because I am pretty sure I am gaining weight due to the amount of junk I am eating.

Whatever, I will burn it all off once I start working again.

I feel like I am living in a paradox since Finn came home. Everyone talks about how you don’t have time to do anything once you have a little one. You feel tired all the time. Yet, here I am writing this shit.

In fact, I find it to be quite the opposite. All he does sleep, eat, shit, piss and did I mention sleep? If he needs a diaper change, we change him. Actually, Mallisa has been handling that lately. If he needs to be fed, we feed him. If he needs to sleep, we put him down and do whatever we want. 21616156_10211927687766708_2888815655980638551_n.jpg

Our time spent with him is usually changing or feeding because he sleeps most of the time.

Because he sleeps so much, I still have time to write, watch my shows and play video games. That is a win in my book!

I am sure that changes once he can start moving around more. However, that is for future Mike to deal with.

In all seriousness, this past week has tested my patience and at the same time reminded me how fucking lucky I am to have such an amazing blessing. This kid is easily the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I was out for five minutes the other day grabbing something from CVS and I couldn’t wait to get back home to see what Mal and Finn were doing. That is a feeling I never want to lose. It is something I always want to keep in the back of my mind.

When you are holding a crying and screaming baby, it is very easy to get flustered if you have checked the boxes and nothing is working.

The first night we got home from the hospital. I don’t know what time it was, but I was holding Finn after being woken to him whining. His diaper was checked and he was dry. He had been fed. I had been holding him for quite a while and he would not stop crying. LTpVFIa.gif

I am standing there with Finn in my arms and telling myself over and over, “he is just a baby. He’s not doing this to be a butt hole. He needs something. Stay calm.”

I had to tell myself this on repeat because I understand if I get frustrated, my boy will get frustrated. I don’t want to upset him even more because that wouldn’t be fair to him.

Hell, I don’t want him upset EVER. Eventually Mallisa took him and got him calm. I will figure it out eventually. Freaking women.

The toughest part about being a new dad so far is the middle of the night feeding and changing. It is hard to stay awake when I am sitting there trying to feed or change him. I am usually delirious from the lack of sleep. In fact, the other night I woke up when Mallisa asked me to go get his bottle from the fridge. I started walking around the room aimlessly and when she asked what I was doing, this is the dialogue that followed…

  • Mallisa asks (while I aimlessly pace the room): “What are you doing?
  • Me: Looking for the forms.
  • Mallisa: What forms?
  • Me: The ones for the hospital.
  • Mallisa: What are you talking about?
  • Me: The forms, we NEED those to check in.
  • Me (realizing what was going on): Nevermind. Forget everything I just said.

I am not the only one losing their mind. Two nights ago, I woke Mallisa up so she could feed Finn. I was in the living room playing Madden while he slept in his boppy next to me. She sat up in bed and this is what followed…

  • Me: Wake up so you can feed Finn.
  • Mallisa (sits up and I walk out the room to get him): (agitated) What are you doing?
  • Me: Going to get our child?
  • Mallisa: He’s right there. (points to random spot on the floor)
  • Me: What the fuck are you talking about? No he’s not.
  • Mallisa: Oh…Then what is that?
  • Me: (Turning a light on) That is your pillow. I am going to grab our son. The pillow isn’t interested in your breast milk.

Evidently the sleep deprivation is real, but we are adjusting. That is honestly the toughest part.

I am adjusting and handling my frustrations a little better now because I know what to expect and we are starting to find a routine.

Those are all the tough parts of the last week, but the good things outweigh them by a mile.

Probably my favorite Finn moment so far was him pissing all over Mallisa. He really channeled his inner R. Kelly there. 9cee4865b99da7f09591a167c8e8a7a8a1edaa90497bf6e6485041079c20e5f6.jpg

We were in the room changing his diaper. It was a two person job because of his circumcision and the fact he refuses to move his legs. One person held while the other changed. We were changing him and I went to grab something and boom, started spraying all over the place. She hurried and covered him with the old diaper until he was done. She figured he was done, but jokes on her. He started spraying again before she grabbed a clean diaper to cover him. You wasted a diaper and you got pissed on….

ATTA BOY!

I am not kidding. That may have been the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

In TV shows and movies, they always have a baby spraying upwards and it getting way up there. I always thought that may be an exaggeration. Bruh, that is no exaggeration. I am almost positive Old Faithful doesn’t have that kind of range.

Another thing I love is that you know you have made it in life when you high five because your baby pooped and peed. Poor guy has been dealing with some blockage and an upset stomach. That was pretty great when we both cheered because we had poo and pee.

I love the little noises he makes when he sleeps. I love the stretches he does while he sleeps. I love holding that little guy on my chest and his tiny body curls to me. I love the curious look in his eye as he watches his surroundings. I love seeing the look in Mallisa’s eyes when she is taking care of him. I love that my life has meaning, maybe more now than ever.

Most importantly, I just love being his dad. Again, I am sorry for you hairline buddy. 21558723_10211927680006514_7390005271175002424_n

 

 

 

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