One of the issues with social media is we can be anything we want to be. What I mean by that is you highlight all of the great parts in life while ignoring all the not so great parts. People will basically put up this facade that everything is great, when in reality it may not be.
For example, every year on you and your SOs anniversary, you make these long posts about how great that person is and it seems like you have a perfect relationship. In reality, you love your partner and you probably would go to the moon and back for them. But, let’s be real. Some days you probably want to set them on fire.
This goes for parenthood as well. Most of you probably see all the pictures of babies smiling away as if they are the happiest beings on the planet. Take it from me, they aren’t. Not all of them anyway. Definitely not mine.
For me month one was a huge adjustment, but manageable. I was figuring out the ins and outs of living with a new baby. Month two has been a little tougher though.
I can handle the lack of sleep. I can handle the high volume of feedings. I can handle almost everything that comes with taking care of a baby. But, the one area I am struggling with is the squealing, screaming and constant crying.
For me personally, I think I have Misophonia. It is a condition which can cause anger or hatred for specific sounds. Certain sounds or repetitive sounds put me in a rage that is sometimes difficult to control. It is something I think I have always dealt with.
My dad does this thing when he drives of running his thumbs along the steering wheel producing a scratching noise and it infuriates me. My wife will sometimes smack her back teeth and it produces a hollow crunching noise almost. Again, it infuriates me.
I will be sitting in the car or on the couch and I am thinking “can you just fucking stop?”
That brings me to the squealing and crying of a newborn. Holy Santa Clause shit! I sometimes have to just set him down because I am scared I will squeeze him because I get so angry. I know I shouldn’t be getting aggravated or angry, but I can’t help it. Certain noises just trigger it for me.
If that makes me a bad father, put away your umbrella because I don’t need your fucking shade. K pumpkin?
I am not typically an angry person. When it comes to my emotions, I am typically pretty good at holding them in check. However, once I get pissed, its on like Donkey Kong.
Some days he just doesn’t seem to be happy. That doesn’t help with the anger or frustration. I do my best to keep him happy with feeding, changing or holding him and sometimes nothing seems to work. And Mallisa does an amazing job with him. I could not have hand picked a better mom for this kid. She was born to be a mother.
He was recently prescribed a medication for colic because that could be what is keeping him unhappy.
I have faith we will figure it out. I am just trying to weather the storm until then.
There is nothing more frustrating than being pissed off already and trying to help a baby who is clearly unhappy. Unfortunately, Finn can’t communicate other than crying so it is a dead end for me.
Just the other night, I took the night shift because Mallisa takes it during the week. He woke up at 2:00 am, 3:15 am, 5:00 am and 6:00 am. It wasn’t the best night. I was pretty frustrated because I was waking up so much. Such is life though. I don’t remember which time it was, but at one point during the night, he was crying and squealing when I was trying to get him back to sleep. It was pissing me off.
Overall, he has his good days/nights and bad days/nights just like the rest of us. I just have to keep rolling with the punches as difficult as it may be sometimes.
Now that I have bitched about my son and got that part out of the way, I want to talk about the parts of fatherhood I have loved over these past two months.
I have been struggling at work recently between planning the Bleed Purple 5K, day to day office stuff and training. I have a lot on my plate at the moment. There is nothing better than coming home to a happy baby. Likewise, there is nothing better than waking to his smiling little face in the morning.
He definitely seems like a morning person. He definitely isn’t getting that from me. He is smiling away without a care in the world and it is the perfect medicine to get my day started.
Recently, I have been playing the Disney Pandora station at night and singing along. He really loves that which is awesome. We have to get him started young you know! If he doesn’t like Disney, I feel like we have to bring him back with the receipt.
Like father like son, the kid is a farter. The looks he makes when scares himself or the smile he gives because it feels good to let some gas out cracks me up. Maybe I am immature, but farting has always been hilarious to me. Maybe I am passing that down to him. I hope so.
Life isn’t that serious and farting is hilarious. If you think it is repulsive and gross, you are definitely the person who gets out of the shower to take a piss. I don’t associate with your kind. So good riddance.
Aside from me struggling with my own emotions and self control to the squealing and crying, the good far outweighs the bad. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. In fact, I would trade the world for him in a heartbeat.