Before you read this any further, some of you may notice I am from Louisiana. Before you start your “you just hate Nick Saban because he crushes LSU” bullshit. I hate LSU. I hate every school not named Nicholls State University so save your shit for another day.

You may notice the headline reads “worst greatest coach.” This doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge that Saban is one of the best coaches in all of sports EVER. It doesn’t fail to acknowledge that he may be the greatest college football coach EVER. In fact, I would argue that he is. What this does acknowledge that Nick Saban is a complete and total fuck boy. 

He has found ways to win by taking easier roads than many other programs and I think it is weak sauce. It is not just that he takes the easy road sometimes, it is that he is a complete and total hypocrite when it comes to other programs.

When I think of great sports innovators, I think of Bill Belichick because he is always four steps ahead of the game. He was spreading teams out on defense before the rest of the NFL. Once the NFL began doing that, he went back to power football with a lot of looks in 22 personnel thanks to Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez. Hernandez really killed it. I couldn’t help myself.

I think of John Calipari because he said screw the one and done rule. He flipped college basketball on it’s head by embracing it and rented talent for one year before making them first rounders. He gets talent to the next level thus keeping his program afloat by promising the opposite of what the NCAA wants, which is for guys to stick around. It is a stupid rule and he treats it as such.

I think of Theo Epstein for helping end the two biggest championship draughts in sports. People will discredit him because of the size of the budget, but he was smart with his money unlike the dozens before him.

While Saban is great at coaching college football and winning games, he finds a way to be the worst loser possible. I am sorry. That is just not the make up of a great coach. What I mean by that, he is scared of change. He is scared of innovations. He is a giant vagina when things don’t go his way so he finds excuses.

Vince Lombardi once said, “Don’t succumb to excuses. Go back to the job of making corrections and forming the habits that will make your goal possible.”

Ultimately Saban eventually does that within his team because he wins games, but he sure does bitch quite a bit when the ball isn’t in his court.

Conference Championships

The first part of the scheduling conundrum is just last year he was critical of Ohio State getting in to the playoffs despite not playing in their conference championship. Meanwhile, here he is advocating for his team. I understand why. But, you were quoted last year saying they shouldn’t get in why should you? You didn’t play in your conference championship. Bitch move Nicholas. 

Considering Saban believes this, if I am on that committee, I am calling and asking why he deserves to be there. When he gives me his bullshit answer that I would pretend to listen to. I would replay him his quote when he said you should have to play in and win your conference championship to be selected. Because fuck you Nicholas.

Schedule Strength

Prior to the season, Saban said college football would be better if the power five (Big 10, Big 12, ACC, Pac 12, SEC) teams played each other. While on the surface, I agree with that statement. However, it is coming from Saban so here’s why it is more hypocritical shit spewing from his cake hole.

He talks about playing these other schools to even things out. Meanwhile, he refuses to play them on their turf. Since 2012, Bama has played Michigan, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, Wisconsin, USC and Florida State. Guess what? All neutral sites that were either Arlington or Atlanta. Good for you Nick. You made a few northern and coast teams travel down to meet you.

Even with those games, his other non conference games consist of schools like Oxnard Truck Driving School and South Harmon Institute of Technology. Go Nicholas.

Meanwhile, Clemson has done a road and two home games against Auburn as well as one each with Georgia. They played Notre Dame at home. They also have South Carolina for their annual showdown which flips back and forth.

Ohio State has done a one and one with Oklahoma, Virginia Tech and Cal.

Oklahoma has faced Ohio State twice as stated before. They played home against Houston. They played splits with Tennessee, Notre Dame and West Virginia.

For someone who talks about playing tougher games to make college football better, you sure have found a flaw in the system. So suck it Nicholas. You’re a giant tool. 

Rule Changes

It was only a couple of years ago when Texas A&M was Alabama’s biggest concern thanks in large part to Johnny Manziel and the up tempo offense by Texas A&M. Saban was on this kick that the no huddle was dangerous to college football because it could cause more injuries.

However, there was literally no evidence to back up that statement other than Saban didn’t have a team built for the no huddle and up tempo style. Unfortunately, we never got to see the ultimate showdown between Bama and Oregon during Chip Kelly’s run with the Ducks.

Once A&M broke into the scene in the SEC, that is when we really started hearing the rumblings from Saban and how the up tempo offenses are unsafe. Again, where are your facts Nicholas.

Here we are in 2017, Jalen Hurts is your quarterback and you are running an uptempo offense. Good for you Nicholas. You adapted.

You continue to be a hypocrite so any chance I can to knock you, I will. Why you might ask?

BECAUSE FUCK YOU NICHOLAS LOU SABAN JR.