One of the most overused phrases during the holiday season is “remember that Christmas is not about presents.” You’re right, it isn’t. But it sure does make it that much better. I love everything about the Christmas Holiday from the music to the movies to the lights and decorations to the weather to Santa to the elves. Everything about the holiday season excites me.
What excites me more than any of that is waking up on Christmas morning and finding a handful of goodies. Since this is 2017 and before I go further, I understand some people are not as fortunate to have those privileges. While I feel bad for those people, I can still enjoy my life and the blessings I have. If that makes me an overprivileged asshole, welp, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
After reading what I have said here, I am sure someone is screaming Jesus is the reason for the season. You’re right. He is. However, forgive me if I am more concerned with the present day (no pun intended) and what is happening now. You can celebrate as you choose just like I can celebrate how I choose.
Unfortunately for those clinging on to Jesus and the religious side of Christmas, the harsh reality is that Christmas has become commercialized. It is more about Santa than it is about Jesus. If that is the downfall of society, then I think you are simply missing the things happening across the globe.
For most people, I don’t think the message is forgotten. In the back of my mind, I know Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus. I just think the message is a bit outdated. I prefer to use the holidays to celebrate the many blessings I have in my life including my wife, my child, my family, my job, my health and my friends. I have a lot to be thankful for. What better way to celebrate that than showering my loved ones with gifts and a reason to smile?
I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that. Not that I do, but if I did.
I love the excitement surrounding gifts whether they come on my birthday, Christmas, Easter, whatever the occasion. I have never been the type to be like “I don’t like that.” Even as I child, I was always pretty thankful for whatever I got.
I can only think of two occasions where I was legitimately pissed about the presents I got or didn’t get.
The first was my fourth birthday. My parents had bought me a Super Nintendo and I spent all afternoon pissed off because I wanted Thomas the Tank Engine pieces for my giant wooden train set. I had a slight obsessions with trains. I literally used to make my parents stop on the side if I saw a train was coming.
The second was Christmas when I was 12-13. I was about to start high school baseball and needed a -3 bat. I wanted the yellow stealth that had just come out. My dad told me I was getting it and I listened to his phone conversation when he put it on layaway. To my surprise on Christmas morning, it wasn’t there. Instead, they bought me this giant red plastic piece of crap and said that was my bat. I thought I was being punked. They let me stir about that for 10-15 minutes before showing me the bat I had been wanting.
Those are the only two times I can remember being a total brat about presents that someone had bought me. Hell, my family was going through a rough patch (9-10 years old maybe?) and I remember telling my dad that I didn’t want any presents.
Opening a gift is a total rush and I love everything about it. I am not going to feel bad about that.
Just recently, I participated in a secret santa gift exchange with some friends. The person who had me had three wrapped gifts. There were two small and one big box. I opened the smaller ones as per request.
I got a Tom Brady funko and Ric Flair socks which was awesome. Then as I opened the big box, it was filled with all kinds of paper and other junk so I dug down to the bottom where I ripped the piece off. Underneath, I found four bottles of water and started laughing. Then the person said, there was more in there. The next part had me rolling.
I felt a tiny plastic bag and pulled it out to reveal some gummies. These were not just any gummies, I took a closer look only to find out it was a bag of gummy penises. I was dying laughing. I just looked and asked “wait, is this a bag of penises?”
To answer your question, yes I ate an entire bag of dicks in one setting and they were fucking delicious. And no, I am not ashamed.
This is all part of the fun of Christmas. With that being said, I also decided that I would write my top 5 presents I have ever received…
Top 5 Presents
5. WWF Wrestling Arena and Backstage Assault – Grandma/Grandpa & Mom/Dad
I have always been obsessed with wrestling from the time I was five years old. I probably played with the action figures until I was 11-12 years old. When I was 11, my grandparents bought me a full fledged toy arena. This thing was lit. It had the barricades, the announce table, the entrance, the rafters and a ring. I fucking loved this thing. I remember I had convinced my mom to start letting me open one gift on Christmas Eve and that is what I chose. I set that thing up so damn fast and played with it for most of the night.
4. Mighty Ducks Trilogy – Mallisa
DUCKS FLY TOGETHER! In case you haven’t gathered, I am a Mighty Ducks fanboy. When I got that trilogy for Christmas, I was happy. Since then, I have watched those movies too many times to count.
3. Cards Against Humanity – Mallisa
Well, my girl went all out for me a few years ago when she bought every expansion pack at the time as well as the bigger blacker box. I have spent hours and hours playing that game and have pretty much memorized every card. We had been playing it my senior year of college literally multiple times each week. I wanted my own copy of it and I got it.
2. Playstation 2 – Mom/Dad
I remember my mom picking me up from school at John Curtis when I was in fifth grade and she said look in the back, my mom and I both like to spoil gifts because we get so excited about giving them to people. To my surprise, she bought me a playstation 2 which I had been wanting so bad. I remember every game she bought with it. I got Smackdown, Smackdown 2: Know Your Role, Smackdown Just Bring It!, The Weakest Link and NFL QB Club 2002. I remember going into her closet and just staring at it every day until Christmas. I wanted to play it so bad.
1. Nintendo 64 – Santa
Oh man, the N64 was THE console everyone talked about when I was kid. That console will always hold a special place in my heart. When I finally got mine for Christmas, I thought I was going to die of a heart attack. I remember opening up that bad boy Christmas of 97. I was hooked from day one. Super Mario 64 took so many hours of my life that I never want back because that game was the tits. I became the cool kid on the block because the 64 was everything. Hell, it still is.