Happy Birthday to me. I have spent 28 glorious years on this planet. At 28, I have a wonderful wife, the best toddler in the world, great family, great friends and plenty to be thankful for. I have taken risks. I have changed careers. I go to Disney far too often and you can drink bleach if you have a problem with that.

As I celebrate 28, I would love to write a blog telling everyone about me and who I am. But I would much rather let you hear from those close to me. I texted my family and friends the following…

“If someone asked you to describe me, what would you say?”

Here are responses from 28 different people. Some are friends. Some are family. Some have known me since I was a child. Some have met me within the last few years. But either way, I value every person who responded. As a thanks, I will share memories, facts and other blurbs about them.

The Verdict 

1. Outspoken and confident in your opinions. Strong minded and confidently so. As well as you aware of who you are. You know yourself and have no problem understanding strengths and weaknesses. – Lance

   Lance: The only man I know who can tear an ACL during my wedding. Ironically enough, the guy who completely tore my already injured PCL by falling on my knee getting out of a car. Always a good time when we hang out though. 

2. Outgoing dude who calls it like he sees it. Loves to debate and better bring facts with you. Loves to harp on the past. Claims to hate baseball more than he actually does. – Ryan 

   Ryan: Baseball Sucks. Read that post on Friday for the back story. I am thankful to live down the street from one of my best friends. If people knew the way we spoke to each other, they would think our rivalry resembled the US and Russia during the Cold War. One of the most fun people to banter with. 

3. A perfect blend of eloquence and arrogance. Mike comes across as brash at times but it’s only because he doesn’t speak unless he means it. Unorthodox is another word to describe Mike. From his athletic skills to his writing and that is refreshing. In short, Mike sucks. – Danny 

   Danny: I appreciate the fact that I can say a movie quote and you can typically pick up what I am putting down. You’re also a giant piece of shit. Don’t ever forget that. 

4. A talented guy and a great person that somehow pulls off doing all the things I wish I could do. – Anonymous 

   Anonymous: Yabba Dabba Do. Also, “oh I almost forgot.” 

5. Driven Family Man. – Nick

   Nick: The best slot machine since Wes Welker. 

6. Curious as the cat that was killed. – Brian 

   Brian: For all intents and purposes, you know what I would say about you here. But I won’t. 

7. Statistical sports guy. Airball extraordinaire. Rec Department Champions. – Justin

   Justin: Top Fans must stick together. Thanks for showing me the light. 

8. Has never learned when to stop antagonizing people. Unfortunately, you get that from me. – Bob

   Bob: Still real to him damn it. One of the biggest cheerleaders for me and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Also, I prefer the term fact checking over antagonizing. 

9. Unreserved and extremely approachable. But no need to approach because he’s probably already came and introduced himself. And finesse. – Taylor

   Taylor: Three words, Golf Course Football. 

10. Seems like a good husband and dad but if Mallisa ever leaves, it is his fault for sure. Really though, witty and good dude and someone you can have a good conversation with. Not just sports. – Charles

    Charles: The only person who can get away with telling Mrs. Spear that a rock bottom may be coming her way. Although you don’t remember, I will never forget that. 

11. Goal oriented and driven. – David

    David: Makes a mean mix drink. Anyone reading this really has no idea. 

12. You’re loyal, a family person, honest and kind of a jabroni but we love you anyway. You can’t cook and are a pretty good athlete. – Mike

    Mike: Bad and Worse. M&M Boys. The oldest and best childhood friend. You were always the Cory to my Shawn. 

13. You’re kind of like a chameleon. Jack of all trades. You always try to have your fingers on the pulse of the zeitgeist with a variety of interest and passions. – Josh

    Josh: I still say we start making headway on our presidential run in 2032 so we can change the world. 

14. In life, there are 3 things guaranteed. Death. Taxes. Hotard’s ability to pull off a receding hairline better than anyone. -Kyle

    Kyle: Tim Rebowe fanboys have to stick together. Although I haven’t known you long, I always enjoy our chats at Nicholls sporting events. I also now envy you due to being retweeted by Chris freaking Jericho. 

15. Shock Jock. Also most underrated in pick up basketball. – Andrew

    Andrew: Conference, period. Also I’d like to say being that you are the only person I get to play twice in the regular season of fantasy this year, your ass is grass. I am going to make you wish you never played fantasy football in 2019. 

16. Mike is consistent in life. He is still the same guy I knew from high school. Fun loving sports fantatic that puts his family first and a sucker for stats. – Manny

    Manny: Moment of silence for the champions. One of the guys I want on my team every day of the week that ends in “y.” I am pumped we have reconnected since high school my dude. 

17. Well, if you’re looking for something short and sweet that you can put on a sign, I’m gonna go with “All Out of Fucks Since 1991.” – Matt

    Matt: Odd that we turned out to be the great friends we have considering I met you through mutual friends. One of the few people I still actively talk to that I was friends with at Nicholls. Much like many out of town friends, I always appreciate you taking time to come visit when you’re in town. You are a true friend of the crown! 

18. A down to Earth guy that loves to “break the wheel.” Shows his passion in everything he does, whether it is making his point on a sports topic or dedicating time to his family. A true stand-up guy who doesn’t sugarcoat or stand for mediocrity. Also such a great guy to talk to and lucky have as my friend. And loves Disney so +1 for that. – Matt 2

    Matt: Despite living in Philly, we still haven’t lost touch and talk a bare minimum of once or twice each week and I appreciate the hell out of that and our friendship. 

19. Proud dad. Happily married to your soulmate. Extremely opinionated. Sports freak. Loves Wrestlamania. Loves a debate. – Mom

    Mom: You’re welcome for giving birth to a legend. Much like dad, a huge cheerleader for me. Sorry for ruining your carpet by pissing on it for two years. But, it had to be done. 

20. Argumentative. Loyal. – Ashley

    Ashley: Thanks for the time on a family trip to the beach for bringing my future wife and helping repair our relationship. 

21. Someone who is passionate and speaks his mind. If you believe in something then you stand behind it 100%. Great father and husband. He strives to live his dreams, no matter the obstacles. – George 

    George: Another friend I lost touch with for a while after leaving John Curtis and somewhere along the way reconnected. All I can say is, “I feel like Vince Young babayyyyy.” 

22. The real life version of the Miz…you speak your mind and take no shit! You are a family man and you know a lot of shit about a lot of things. – Blake

    Blake: Truly one of the most loyal dudes I know. Also, it’s pretty dope knowing a police officer who goes viral for dancing at a wedding while on duty. #Legendary

23. Family oriented. Loyal. Always has your back. Hard working. Caring. Awesome friend who has turned into family. Funny. – Jess

    Jess: Genuine as can be. You’re also great for one of my best friends. I am truly happy for you guys and what you have. 

24. Great friend. Stubborn as hell. God awful floater. – Pierce

    Pierce: One, you know damn good and well my floater is not awful. Two, you’ve also been a big cheerleader for my personal ventures such as this blog. Three, it was pleasure winning a ring with you. I am happy I could help you get one last ring in your old age. 

25. If there is someone who will give it to you straight, it would be you. I’d say you are also the type of person who would give someone the shirt off your back, but also talk shit while doing so. That’s why I have always come to you with real problems. – Jeremy

    Jeremy: Jesus Christ. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with the stupidity we have engaged in. One of the things coming to mind was heading to the movies (which we did frequently in college) when we were both drunk so someone else drove my car and didn’t like that we were drunk. When that person started bitching about it, you opened the door and fell out into the parking lot. That was one of the most savage things I have ever seen. For anyone reading, we were going less than 5 mph in a parking lot so relax.  

26. Loyal! That is the first word that comes to mind. I think you’re a great friend to many and that your loyalty to your family and friends runs very deep. Also, obviously a sports fanatic. I’d also say honest, whether people want to hear it or not. You’re gonna give them the truth. – Ally 

    Ally: It has been awesome getting to know you since you began dating one of my great college buddies. You two are awesome together and I always enjoy our discussions on politics, life and more when you guys come around. Can’t wait to be part of the day when you guys tie the knot. I’m honored to have a place in it. 

27. You are a sarcastic jokester, never serious, but a hard worker, good dad and sweet when you want to be. – Mal

    Mal: You are the Topanga to my Cory. The Monica to my Chandler. The best person I know. I am so freaking blessed to have you in my life. You are the best “mama” in the world for our Finn. I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. Love You Turd!

28. Mike is competitive in nature. No matter the discussion or the topic, Mike will invoke his wisdom on you. I pray that you don’t say something ignorant or stupid because he will eat you alive in front of your kids and baby momma. Sports, politics, cooking, anything that has an argument, Mike will argue. More than that, he will shame you. Mike is one of those people who is truly passionate in what he believes in. He can be swayed to believe otherwise, but you will have to get through some heavy arguing to get there. In all, he sticks to what he knows and no one can fuck with his head. Good luck to anyone who wishes to give it a shot. – Jared

    Jared: *Wipes tear* That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. We met several years ago playing flag football. Although we don’t see each other as often as I would like, it is never a dull moment when we hang out. I will see you this week at flag my friend. 

To all my friends and family who participated in this and for everyone who sent me happy birthdays, thank you very much. Here is to number 28! I am just here so I won’t get fined.