Unapologetically Me

Fantasy Football: The Curse of Being Commissioner

Well here we are. One more trip around the show that is The League. I just completed it as I sit here getting antsy and excited for the beginning of Fantasy Football.


Shiva blasting is an absolute necessity in the world of fantasy football.

I started playing fantasy football when I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. It began as public leagues on Yahoo. I would do 4 or 5 every year. Now, I have it down to just two. Edit, as of today it is three as as buddy asked me to join a 12-team Dynasty league. So now it is three. Fantasy football year round, yes please.

One is The Dirty Dozen that I am in with all of my shit bag friends who enjoy some vulgar banter. Then, we have the more docile family/couples league.

We are entering our fourth season in Dirty Dozen and year five in the family and my god have I underperformed. Prior to five years ago, I was running shit. I played in a grand total of 21 leagues/seasons and finished first 8 times with another 7 times placing second or third.

I was a damn oracle of fantasy football. Or so I thought.

I will forever put an asterisk next to those for the simple fact, there were always teams who fell out by midseason and I used to pull off very one sided trades taking advantage of the people who knew less. That’s a you problem though. Unless there is clear collusion, all is fair in love and fantasy football.

In fact, I joined a league in 2015 and wound up winning the whole thing after trading my entire team which was 6-0 to someone who was 1-5 because I didn’t care to keep up with it. I still ended up winning. Then, I took the belt and went CM Punk on that league and walked out. It’s ok though, the person who bought it is in my Dirty Dozen so it didn’t matter.

But over the last four seasons with the Family and three with Dirty Dozen, I sit here a broken man. I made the competition better and it seems luck isn’t on my side. I did capture one championship in the family league. However, the other three seasons, I have a combined 11 wins thanks to injuries mostly.

The Dirty Dozen is THE most competitive league I have ever been in. What I love is that in three seasons, we haven’t even had someone finish in the top 3 twice yet. Nor have we had a first or second seed win the championship.

Personally, I have not been better or worse than 6-6 every year. I am Mr. 500. I have become the Norv Turner Chargers. At least I have been in the playoff hunt the last two years heading into the final week.

The first year, I was one game behind but did have some satisfaction knocking the two seed completely out of the playoffs with a victory in the final week.

The second year, my team shit the bed needing just one win in the final two weeks. Full circle, the guy I knocked out in the final week was the one who beat me in the final week of year two. I wound up winning the consolation. At least I was the best loser I guess. Someone grab me my participation ribbon!

Last year, I finally made the playoffs. However, it was short lived and I finished 6th overall, which is an improvement from 8th and then 7th. Moving on up!

Every year I have managed to dig a 1-3 or 1-4 hole for myself so I am constantly playing from behind.

You can talk to the other 11 shit zippers in my league. I think it is fair to say that being the commissioner means a curse comes with it. You tend to take the most crap out of anybody unless you have an Andre, which we don’t.

Combine that with the fact that I like to run my mouth, have a blog, willingly take players from Alabama (LSU territory here, barf) and Atlanta Falcons, I am a walking punch line for these assholes.

There is one guy in the league who I wouldn’t even call it a rivalry because both teams have to win for it to be a rivalry, right? He is in both leagues and my record against him in three seasons using both is 1-9.

I am essentially team lay up for his squads and it sucks because I live down the street from him. I made a bet two years ago that loser of the game had to bow to the winner’s feet, kiss the feet and confess that the other was a superior fantasy football manager until our next matchup. I lost. Go me.

This year, I have a week 1 match up with my biggest rival I would say. Luckily, I have a winning record of 2-1 against him over 3 seasons. But we take deep digs at each other constantly and I was lucky enough to have him on my schedule as the only team I play twice since we play 12 regular season games. Let’s hope I can extend the lead to 4-1.

I need to step my game up and win some damn money and make a deep run to establish myself as I threat again. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Actually I do. I am Uncle Rico living in the damn past wishing I was still there. It’s seven seasons and I have two damn playoff appearances and one title to show for it.

For those who have watched The League, I pretty much feel like how Kevin did when he lost to Ruxin in the playoffs (click here to watch).

Here’s to 2019. Another year filled with stress, anxiety, trash talk, draft day gloriousness and probably more vomiting at the draft if I take Bama or Falcons again. Getting iced seven times before round 9 ain’t no joke. If it happens again, puke and rally. At least I made the playoffs this year.

As always in regards to fantasy football…

“There are many things a man can do with his time. But this is better than those things. -Pete Eckhart” – Michael Hotard





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