Week 4 NFL Power Rankings – What Beer Resembles Every NFL Team?

Some of the stories of week 4 include Saints winning with Bridgewater in Seattle, Gardner Minshew gets his first dub, Saquon Barkley sidelined and Daniel Jones with an 18 point comeback in his first start. Here is this week’s NFL Power Rankings for week 4. For this week’s explanation, I will compare each team to a Beer.

32. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 32
Record- 0-3

Miami is Smirnoff Ice. You don’t even get to be a beer. You’re just a joke you play on your friends.

31. New York Jets
Last Week: 29
Record- 0-3

Olde English. You sound like you are royalty because of your city. But you are just total trash.

30. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 31
Record- 0-3

Natty Lite. It is good at one time, mainly college when you can’t afford shit. Once you experience other beers, there isn’t much of a reason for it. They play many close games but can’t find the right side of the score card.

29. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 28
Record- 0-2-1

Not Your Grandfather’s Rootbeer. You were excited about Kyler Murray and after all the draft day hype, we just don’t hear much about Arizona now. You slipped into irrelevancy.

28. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 25
Record- 0-3

O’Douls. What is even the point of them? At least Miami knows they are bad.

27. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 23
Record- 0-3

Icehouse. You’re just completely irrelevant right now.

26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 22
Record- 1-2

Mike’s Hard Lemonade. It’s not a beer so it is not taken seriously just like Jameis Winston. The dude was finally able to get Mike Evans the ball this week only to blow an 18 point lead.

25. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 27
Record- 0-3

Miller High Life. Just a disappointment every year and they have finally hit rock bottom.

24. New York Giants
Last Week: 30
Record- 1-2

Yuengling. It found new life recently just like the Giants with Daniel Jones.

23. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 17
Record- 1-2

Coors. You’re not bad, but you can’t seem to catch the other teams in your division.

22. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 21
Record- 1-2

Fat Tire. It is sort of out there much like Jon Gruden. Will they ever be good or does this ultimately end in a miserable failure?

21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 26
Record- 1-2

Dos Equis. Most interesting beer goes to the team with the most interesting quarterback.

20. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 24
Record- 1-2

Shiner Bock. Not sure what to make of them. They looked real good with Kyle Allen against a bad team.

19. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 16
Record- 1-2

Rolling Rock. Remember when the hype train was chugging hard for the Browns? Not so much anymore.

18. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 7
Record- 1-2

Arrogant Bastard Ale. This one is for the Philly fans. You guys suck and always disappoint just like your franchise.

17. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 12
Record- 1-2

Stella Artois. They fooled me into thinking they were better than they actually are.

16. Los Angeles Chargers
Last Week: 9
Record- 1-2

Heineken. They are probably better than record shows, but nonetheless they don’t look like the same team as last year. They are very much middle of the pack.

15. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 20
Record- 2-0-1

Busch Light. It may not be as a bad as you think. You will never openly say it is good. Yet somehow they are still trucking along.

14. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 18
Record- 2-1

Blue Moon. It is good enough to get the job done most days.

13. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 19
Record- 3-0

Keystone. Your fans are as insane as Keith Stone. A marketing strategy that shouldn’t be effective, but it is. Much like the Buffalo Bills with an unorthodox QB and a running back who is older than 35.

12. Houston Texans
Last Week: 14
Record- 2-1

Coors Light. You’re still good, but not as good as Miller Light or Bud Light. You’re just not quite elite. Still very good though.

11. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 13
Record- 3-0

Pabst Blue Ribbon. For all intents and purposes, your shouldn’t be winning, but you are. Much like PBR which is consistently one of the most popular beers in the US.

10. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 8
Record- 2-1

Bud Light Lime. The name screams it is something special, but it just isn’t. Much like the Seahawks who looked great toward the end of last season. They have opened up the season looking very pedestrian. Luckily, they still have Russell Wilson. Just like bud light precedes the lime part.

9. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 10
Record- 2-1

Bud Platinum. Nothing too appealing about them right now but packs a hard punch with their defense. I used to buy a six pack of these in college and get hammered.

8. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 15
Record- 2-1

Michelob Ultra. You lost your quarterback, but maybe it won’t matter because the roster is good enough. It is low calorie beer just like the Saints low calorie offense without Drew Brees.

7. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 6
Record- 2-1

Guinness. Some days I like it. Other days, not so much. That goes hand in hand with Lamar Jackson.

6. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 11
Record- 2-1

Miller Lite. One of my favorite teams to watch in the NFL right now gets the nod for my favorites.

5. Los Angeles Rams
Last Week: 3
Record- 3-0

Corona. They leave St. Louis and become a stable franchise overnight. Much like Corona being stable in America.

4. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 4
Record- 3-0

Budweiser. It somehow is still one of the most popular beers, yet not many like it. Much like the the Dallas Cowboys.

3. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 5
Record- 3-0

Milwaukee’s Best. For obvious reasons. Despite being a small town team, always relevant.

2. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 2
Record- 3-0

Bud Light for the simple fact they are ultra popular. Bud light is the face beer of the NFL. Patrick Mahomes is currently the face of the NFL.

1. New England Patriots
Last Week: 1
Record- 3-0

Sam Adams. Do I need to explain this? Ok. Great beer. Great franchise. Murica.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s