Hotard Huddle

NFL is in full swing and I have enjoyed putting together my own weekly power rankings as well as my Monday Not So Morning Thoughts from each week. Check my latest one here: Week 5 Monday Not So Morning Thoughts.

For this week’s topic of choice with the power rankings, I have decided to compare every NFL team to a character from The Office.

32. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 32
Record- 0-4

Toby Flenderson – Why are you even here?

31. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 31
Record- 0-5

Robert California – His is a sleezeball much like Dan Snyder. He also thinks his is more important than he is thus leading to bad decisions.

30. New York Jets
Last Week: 30
Record- 0-4

Gabe Lewis – You are the forgotten team in New York. It’ll make sense once you read the Giants.

29. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 29
Record- 0-5

Angela Martin – You just can’t get anything right.

28. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 28
Record- 1-3-1

Karen Filipelli – You have some attractive appeal to you with a hot shot young coach and quarterback. You just aren’t cutting the mustard.

27. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 27
Record- 1-4

Phyllis Lapin – They’re just in an awkward spot at the moment. That isn’t changing.

26. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 25
Record- 1-4

Meredith Palmer – If you are a fan of them, you’re probably just driving yourself to drinking.

25. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 26
Record- 1-4

Todd Packer – You have been a dumpster fire for baggage with the Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell situations. Unfortunately, that dumpster fire plus an injury led to irrelevance.

24. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 14
Record- 2-3

DeAngelo Vickers – Their hype lasted as long as Vickers on the show…Not long at all.

23. Los Angeles Chargers
Last Week: 17
Record- 2-3

Kevin Malone – Bless your heart. You try really hard.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 24
Record- 2-3

Kelly Kapoor – You’re up and down like a damn roller coaster and a QB comes with a lot of baggage.

21. New York Giants
Last Week: 22
Record- 2-3

Jo Bennett – They have a decent resume of the past. They haven’t done much lately. At least they shit on the Jets.

20. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 21
Record- 2-3

Bob Vance – Unless they introduce themselves, you pretty much forget they are in the league.

19. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 19
Record- 2-3

Creed Bratton – A lot of mystery surrounding Gardner Minshew who is on his way to becoming the face of the franchise. Creed Bratton is one of the most mysterious and psychotic individuals in TV show history. Same as the guy who once beat his hand with a hammer to obtain a medical redshirt.

18. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 20
Record- 3-2

Oscar Martinez – There was a lot of surprise when Oscar came out. I am pretty surprised the Panthers have a winning record without Cam Newton.

17. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 23
Record- 3-2

Clark Green – You’re not getting over the Kansas City Chiefs in that division. But the Raiders and Jon Gruden are likable and a competitive team.

16. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 16
Record- 3-2

Erin Hannon – Inconsistent and up and down. Figure your shit out.

15. Houston Texans
Last Week: 15
Record- 3-2

Mose – I am not sure what to make of the Texans right now, but when they are clicking on all cylinders, they are a lot of fun to watch offensively. Just like I don’t know what to make of Mose, but he’s freaking hilarious.

14. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 13
Record- 3-2

Holly Flax – Unconventional to the max, but they can be a fun team to watch the offense is clicking.

13. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 12
Record- 2-1-1

Roy Anderson – I am intrigued by the Lions. Much like Roy, maybe they can surprise some people by the end of the year and put together a solid 2019 season.

12. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 7
Record- 3-2

Kevin Malone – The things they do on the field aren’t always the prettiest, but they are relevant to the league. Daaaaa Bears fans just talk funny too. Just like NOT ASHTON KOOTCHER, IT’S KEVIN MALONE!

At first it was unintentional to put Kevin twice. That was until I realized, can you really get enough Kevin Malone? I know I can’t. Double Fudge Brownies…Angela?

11. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 18
Record- 3-2

Stanley Hudson – Stanley may have been one of the most consistent characters. He hated small talk and loved pretzel day. As long as they are healthy, they know the run game, defense and conservative style can get them success.

10. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 8
Record- 3-2

Andy Bernard – They seem like they are a stable team, but much like Andy Bernard, they appear to be in the middle of an identity crisis. They need to figure out the offense sooner rather than later or they will hit rock bottom in a tough division.

9. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 5
Record- 3-2

Ryan Howard – Overwhelmingly, most people hate them like Ryan. The show needed Ryan just like the NFL needs Dallas. It is good when they’re relevant. Plus in the beginning of season 3, he said “At my 10 year reunion, it will no longer say Ryan Howard – Temp. It will say Ryan Howard, Junior Sales Associate of a mid tier paper firm. That’ll show em.” Sounds like the Cowboys bragging about their run in the 90s.

8. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 10
Record- 4-1

Pam Beesley – Looked at as a receptionist of the league or low end totem pole, but they are low key talented and seem to have something good going for them. Give them a chance.

7. Los Angeles Rams
Last Week: 6
Record- 3-2

Jan Levinson – They are one year removed for the Super Bowl and now they find themselves scrapping to try and win games. They can’t figure out whether or not to run the offense through Jared Goff and the pass game or Todd Gurley.

6. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 11
Record- 4-0

Charles Miner – They are the hot new team in the league. Despite being on top of the NFC West, I think we are all waiting for them to eventually get pushed out of the lead in a tight division.

5. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 9
Record- 4-1

Jim Halpert – They are always one of the premiere teams in the league even though it doesn’t seem like it based on up and down performances. No matter what, Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll always seem to have them on the brink for a push.

4. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 2
Record- 4-1

Dwight Schrute – As long as the Patriots are led by Brady and Belichick, the Chiefs will always be Assistant To the Regional Manager. There is still plenty to love about them.

3. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 4
Record- 4-1

David Wallace – It is hard for me not to like them thanks to Rodgers, much like it is hard to not like David.

2. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 3
Record- 4-1

Darryl Philbin – He is one of the coolest on the show. Saints are one of the coolest teams in the league with plenty of swag from things like Choppa Style and defensive team celebrations on turnovers. They’re easy to like so is Darryl.

1. New England Patriots
Last Week: 1
Record- 5-0

Michael Scott – They are the driving force of the NFL for the last two decades, much like Michael Scott was for the office. They have always been willing to go unconventional in terms of league status quo offensively much like Michael Scott’s unconventional offensive jokes throughout The Office. Plus they hate the Miami Dolphins who is Toby.