NFL is in full swing and I have enjoyed putting together my own weekly power rankings as well as my Monday Not So Morning Thoughts from each week. Check my latest one here: Week 7 Monday Not So Morning Thoughts.
For this week’s topic of choice with the power rankings, I have decided to compare every NFL team to Halloween Costumes in honor of October 31st approaching. Upon ranking the teams, I looked up some popular costumes for 2019 and that is the list I am pulling from plus some classics.
32. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 32
Record- 0-6
Joker (Suicide Squad) – What are you guys even doing?
31. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 31
Record- 1-6
Whoopie Cushion – Just a giant fart drifting through the season.
30. New York Jets
Last Week: 26
Record- 1-5
Bedsheet Ghost: Sam Darnold was apparently “seeing ghosts” this week. That costume is trash just like the Jets.
29. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 29
Record- 1-6
Mummy – Wrap them up. They’re dead.
28. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 30
Record- 0-7
Paper Bag – This week’s game featured a fan with a bag on their head. Seems fitting.
27. Los Angeles Chargers
Last Week: 28
Record- 2-5
Forky (Toy Story 4) – Well, they’re just not well put together this year. But hey, they’re trying.
26. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 27
Record- 2-4
High School Football Coach – Considering how much they have been using the wildcat offense given the loss of their QBs, high school coach for some high school offense.
25. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 25
Record- 2-5
Witch – It is such a staple of Halloween that the costume has almost become irrelevant. Irrelevant is a word that perfectly describes Denver.
24. New York Giants
Last Week: 22
Record- 2-5
Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich – The hype around the chicken sandwich lasted just as long as the hype around Daniel Jones.
23. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 24
Record- 2-4
Erica Sinclair (Stranger Things) – Too much hype leads to one word describing you, overrated.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 23
Record- 2-4
Orange Tuxedo (Dumb and Dumber) – See Jameis Winston.
21. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 21
Record- 3-3-1
Zombie – If done right, you at least beat out the other bad costumes. Kudos on your 3 game streak Kingsbury, but it is three of the worst in the NFL.
20. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 20
Record- 3-4
Priest – They will need a prayer to make it out of the AFC South which is fairly competitive.
19. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 16
Record- 3-4
Jon Snow (Game of Thrones) – For all intents and purposes, this team should be a lot better than it is. Consider them the “I don’t want it” of the league after getting demolished by the Cowboys. Especially with all the smoke coming from the locker room.
18. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 17
Record- 3-3
Beetlejuice – Just because I think he is the movie version of Jon Gruden. Wild stuff, man.
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 19
Record- 3-4
Gardner Minshew – No explanation needed. Great costume choice.
16. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 13
Record- 2-3-1
Mary Sanderson – Bless your hearts for being in a tough division.
15. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 18
Record- 4-2
Ghostface (Scream) – It’s literally black robes and a white mask, but it works. Here we are and Carolina is 4-2 without Cam Newton. Nothing special, but it is working.
14. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 11
Record- 3-3
Sarah Sanderson – There is still something appealing about them and you don’t exactly want to count them out, but it looks like they’ll be an afterthought of a tough division thanks to a terrible offense. If their offense can get going, they could run amok. Amok. Amok. Amok. Amok.
13. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 14
Record- 4-3
Daenerys Targaryen – They do want it, unlike the Eagles. The fans and the organization think so highly of themselves that it ultimately leads to everyone despising them. Good or bad, they are always going to be the most important team in the league.
12. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 9
Record- 5-1
Ninja – The 5-1 record no one saw coming.
11. Houston Texans
Last Week: 12
Record- 4-3
Harley Quinn – They have the weapons. They have the swagger. There is just a lot of up and down with them kind of like Quinn’s personality.
10. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 10
Record- 4-2
Bob Ross – Happy little accidents like Andrew Luck retiring sometimes makes for success. The Colts don’t look so bad without their stud quarterback.
9. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 15
Record- 5-2
Chucky (Child’s Play) – Unconventional, fast, escapes situations and then wreaks havoc. Sounds like Lamar Jackson right now. The franchise needle moves with how effective Jackson is. He is making many plays with his feet.
8. Los Angeles Rams
Last Week: 8
Record- 4-3
Sherlock Holmes – They have issues within the offense that needs to be figured out if they want to be playing in January. Better get your detective hat on McVay.
7. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 5
Record- 5-2
Michael Myers (Halloween) – Myers is very methodical with his victims. You can always find him walking at a steady pace and never changing speeds. Somehow he catches up and boom, big kill. Same with Seattle. They can lull you to sleep before destroying you.
6. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 7
Record- 5-2
Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) – The biggest nightmare for KC happened…they lost Patrick Mahomes. Yet, they still put a hurting on Denver. At the end of the day, it’s still in the back of the league’s mind he will be returning.
5. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 6
Record- 5-2
Winifred Sanderson (Hocus Pocus) – Just when you thought that offense might be dead in the water, Kirk Cousins is leading the NFL in passer rating and that offense looks like they are back to high powered. They are making a strong push in the NFC North.
4. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 4
Record- 6-1
Eleven (Stranger Things) – Aaron Rodgers looked like a baaaaad man again last week. One of the most popular costumes of 2019 goes to one of the best teams in the league.
3. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 3
Record- 6-0
The Joker (Heath Ledger) – What is not to love about this team? They have a bunch of awesome personalities and they are a ton of fun to watch. The more I watch their defense, the more I enjoy them. They are nothing but chaos to opposing offenses.
2. New England Patriots
Last Week: 1
Record- 7-0
Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars) – There is no humanity in them evident by Bill Belichick’s trolling of the Jets and Adam Gase. If other teams only knew the power of the dark side.
1. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 2
Record- 6-1
Pennywise (It) – They’re clowning the league with their back up QB and they just torched one of the best defenses without their starting QB, RB and TE. Come down to New Orleans and you’ll float too! Most popular costume for 2019 goes to the best team in the league.
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