Welp, holy shit. Number two is on the way. I could not be more excited about it!
Starting a family has been a dream come true for me and my wife. We have been together since we were 15 and it was something we started talking about early on. She always envisioned herself as a mother just like I have always envisioned myself as a father.
You may have read on here previously if you have been following my blog for a while that my wife and I struggled quite a bit trying for our son. We had many ups and downs and tears over it. As the man, you’re just left feeling helpless because nothing you say can ease that pain, especially for a woman who has only ever wanted to be someone’s mom. She is a damn good one.
Whenever I write about pregnancy and children, I like to address the issue because I never want any person to go through that. Unfortunately, it seems to be pretty common. For those who have gone through and/or are going through struggles getting pregnant, finding out they can’t conceive or lost a child, I am truly sorry. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
I know how hard it was for my wife every time someone talked about pregnancy or pretending to be happy on Mother’s Day when she’s surrounded by mothers who all have what she wants.
When that moment finally came and that positive test showed, it was surreal. One of my favorite stories to tell is about us wishing for a baby behind Cinderella’s Castle at the well in Disney World. A few weeks later, our wish came true. Thus our first son was born. Now he is running around screaming like a lunatic and I fucking love it.
Fast forward to now, I would like to once again point out the magic of Disney. We had begun trying shortly before leaving for our Disney trip back in September for our boy’s second birthday. She and I have always talked about having our second (even before our first) once our first was around 2 or 3. While we were in Disney, she was late. We of course joked about it.
We returned late Monday night. Here she was, still late. She grabbed an old test that was expired by 2 years. Probably not the brightest idea, but fuck it. She takes the test and boom, positive. Here we are, no more than 15 minutes of being home. I asked if she wanted me to go run to the pharmacy and grab some more. Of course I did. Honestly, I was going to do that regardless. I wanted to know.
She takes two of the three that night and all show positive.
She and I just both started laughing uncontrollably into tears because we couldn’t begin to process the idea that she was pregnant. We went through so much turmoil and heartache the first time that we just expected it to be the same. We were floored with happiness. To some degree, I don’t think the realness of it settled in for a few weeks.
All that being said, Disney World for the win, again.
We actually had our first serious conversation about trying back in July when we were visiting Atlanta. We were at dinner together alone for the first time in what seems like forever. Trying for another child was brought up. It is a conversation in passing that we had many times before. The biggest struggle for us was deciding whether we were emotionally ready. She and I both struggled with the idea of loving another human as much as we love our son.
The thought of having another one just felt wrong for so long because of the guilt. Just thinking about sharing my love with another child makes me feel guilty. Will I be able to balance it? Will my son feel resentment toward me? All these thoughts popped in my head as well as my wife.
Logically speaking, other parents do it every day. I am sure it will be fine. For parents who have children immediately after their firsts (not knocking you at all), whether by choice or accident, I don’t know how you do it. Personally, I would feel awful. It wasn’t until maybe 6-7 months ago that the idea of having another sat well with me.
As the idea grew on me, seeing my first born as a big brother is going to be absolutely magical. As I write this, he is helping his mama vacuum the living room. He loves helping us with anything imaginable. When his “G” was knocking down the wall to create a doorway for a third bedroom, he grabbed his toy hammer and started banging away.
So I am sure transitioning to helping as a big brother will be easy for him, especially given his independence of wanting to do things himself.
One of the biggest questions now is will he be an older brother to a baby brother or sister? Little dude wants a sister and has been adamant about that since we started asking him.
Of course beggars can’t be choosers, we will be happy either way. However, the wife and I have always envisioned ourselves as boy parents. We are hoping we have another little dude. We will know soon enough.
Let the dad train continue. Another mind to corrupt.