Unapologetically Me

Fantasy Football: Please God Don’t Let Me Get The Sacko

You know, I have stacked the deck against myself. I used to be a GOD of fantasy football. It was more of a shock when I didn’t win the championship across my leagues. Maybe the game is just passing me by. Maybe people are getting better. Maybe I am just unlucky. Whatever it is, make it stop.

Overall, I finished the regular season across three leagues 21-17.

  • Dirty Dozen (12 Teams) – 3-9 (Playing for the Sacko)
  • Dynasty League (12 Teams) – 9-4 (In Second Round)
  • Family League (10 Teams) – 9-4 (In Championship)

On the surface, you may think not so bad. The family league is exactly what you would expect. It is a few people who follow football closely while the majority don’t and a lot of them draft players they like. For example, until he retires my wife is drafting Tom Brady round 1 every year. It has worked most years. Keep it going. Do you. This is my second championship appearance in 3 seasons. So hopefully I capture number two and the lowly prize of $100.

This year was the inaugural season of the dynasty league. I drafted third overall and landed Christian McCaffrey. Sorry to those guys, but there is no way in hell I should have been able to grab Julio Jones late second and Cooper Kupp in the 5th. Hopefully I can win these next two games and establish dominance for the coming years. Plus, I could use that hefty prize money.

Four years ago, I decided to revamp my biggest league in fantasy football. I added better people as well as stipulations for being a shit show. I got tired of the 2-3 people who eventually stopped caring each year. Since doing that, I have yet to have a winning season and this is my first losing season. Yeah, I was 6-6 the last three years. Fuck me, right?

After a 3-9 season, I am headed to the Sacko Bowl. If I lose, I have to pay a $20 fine, which will be the first time I have to pay any money for sucking. We do a low score fine of $5 each time you finish with the lowest total. 12th pays $20 and Sacko pays $20.

Being commissioner sacko just sounds awful. In addition to the fine and setting up the draft next year, I will end up having to be beer bitch, sticker bitch and other stupid shit for losing I am sure. The worst, I will have to wear this nasty ass t-shirt that says sacko on it. The t-shirt was introduced last year and is never to be washed. You may think “oh, it is only one year used at least.” However, last year’s sacko rubbed it in the grass and also spit dip in the pocket leaving a nice stain and smell. Thanks Lance.

The only light at the end of this tunnel is that the sacko has gone on to play in the championship the last two years. If I win, maybe it becomes three. But honestly, I’d rather not win that title.

I have finished in the top four in scoring 3 of the 4 seasons and yet somehow can’t go over .500. I have also lost my first round pick to injury three of the four seasons for significant time. In addition, I have lost a second, third or fourth to go along with that every single year. Can I just have a relatively healthy season damn it?

In addition to losing Saquon Barkley for significant time and Marlon Mack when I desperately needed wins, I traded for Adam Thielen giving up Keenan Allen and Frank Gore only for him to get hurt. He has one catch (luckily a TD) since I traded for him. It has just been rough one this year. Ironically enough, there is not a whole lot I would have done different in the draft unlike most other years.

All that being said, such is fantasy football. My family league team isn’t one that should be in the championship but here I am. Fantasy football is a bad relationship that myself and many others should walk away from, but we don’t.

As the great Pete Eckhart said, “There are many things a man can do with his time. But this is better than those things.”











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