Unapologetically Me

It’s a Girl: *Chuckles Nervously* I’m In Danger

Baby number two is on the way as my wife and I found out we were expecting back in September. Fast forward to now and we found out the gender of our second child on Christmas Eve.

My wife and I have always envisioned ourselves as boy parents all the way. I, for one, have always felt like a daughter would be more stressful. I guess bring on the stress because spoiler alert, we are having a girl.

For all intents and purposes, I thought for sure it was a boy although I never said it out loud prior to finding out. My wife’s symptoms have been the same. The heartbeat was on target with our son. All signs pointed to boy.

However, a few days before Christmas, we went to the ultrasound to find out and my wife gave the envelope revealing the gender to two of her close friends. When she came home and told me that one of them had a shit eating grin on her face after they found out, I had a feeling that it was a girl.

Emotionally, I was still wanting another boy. Maybe it is wrong to have a preference, but I did. That doesn’t mean I won’t love my daughter any less. So yeah it is politically incorrect to say, but screw PC. This blog is intended to break that barrier. I say what other people feel but don’t have the balls to say. I have heard stories of feelings after reveals.

When it came time to reveal, my wife opened the stocking to pull out the ornament and here it was…pink. My initial thought was “oh shit.” In the video, you can clearly tell that was my reaction. I always have thought boys are easier to raise. I am sure some have had easier times with girls while others have had easier times with boys.

All Christmas Eve, I did not know how to properly process my emotions. I have always envisioned myself with boys and raising a girl has always scared the hell out of me. I texted my friends immediately after to let them know the big news. Of course a few asked how I felt and like I told them, this scares me more than being a new parent altogether.

My emotions brought on disappointment followed by resentment toward myself for feeling disappointed. I am very fortunate and blessed to have two children come into this world.

But I set myself up for that holding expectations about what I wanted. Unfortunately, those emotions will take hold of you whether you want to stop them or not. It has been a few days and that feeling of disappointment faded quickly. Do I still have some fear? Yeah of course. I am going to raise a daughter for god sake.

I turned to my wife on Christmas Day at some point and just said “man, what the fuck! I have to give her away one day.” She just turned and said “yeah how the hell do you think I feel about some girl one day stealing my boy.”

Earlier today, my wife went shopping with her mom and grandma and it really hit hard when she brought home the first couple of onsies for her. Now it feels real.

Now I find myself going back and looking at the picture of her smiling from the ultrasound knowing that much like my boy, I don’t ever want to see her unhappy for any reason. Of course everyone is going to tell me that she will have me wrapped around her finger and all the other cliche bullshit. I am sure she will.

But I hope to find some sort of balance between discipline and turning to mush because she is a girl. I feel like I do a great job disciplining my boy so I would rather not compromise that just because she is a girl. If I do, hopefully my wife will pick up the slack.

As if my hairline wasn’t fading fast enough, here comes a girl. Not just a girl, but MY girl. Just the other day, I came across a video of a father signing I Loved Her First to his daughter and son in law at their wedding. That video has a whole new meaning now. As certain as the sun rising in the east, I am going to love the hell out of that girl. I can’t wait to meet her.

PS – You better love Beauty and the Beast and it better be your princess movie of choice. I am not watching Cinderella or Snow White 12 times per day. Get the hell out of here with that noise.






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