I recently watched Dennis The Menace for the first time in years. That was legitimately one of my favorite movies as a child. I have decided to do a countdown of my favorite cheesy childhood movies. Now full disclosure, I am trying to stick to forgotten films more so than maintsteamish movies. Some of these may fit the bill. Some may not.
It is not a secret that my favorite sports movie ever is D2 The Mighty Ducks, which is one you won’t find on here. Sports movies in general are pretty much out of the equation because most are by definition cheesy as hell. You will only find one on this list because the key word is “forgotten.” Think beyond Hocus Pocus, Good Burger etc. Also excluding DCOMs.
After his parents sent him to stay with his Uncle Martin for being a grade A pain in the ass, Uncle Martin soon realizes what a pain in the ass Clifford really is. From his mischief to his obsession with Dinosaur World, it drives his uncle to the looney bin.
16. Baby’s Day Out
Joe Mantegna, Joe Pantoliano and Brian Haley running around the city trying to get the baby they kidnapped back. The idiots who shot Harambe should have watched this movie before acting in the manner they did. That gorilla wasn’t fucking around when it came to protecting Baby Bink.
15. The Witches
This movie was creepy as hell as a child. Some evil witches wanted to turn the world’s children into mice, fuck that noise. They ripped Luke away from his grandma for Christ sake and tried to step on him. What a bunch of assholes.
14. Indian in the Cupboard
I watched this within the last year or two and the cheese level on this is about a million. Overall, still really good. My wife walked into the kitchen not that long ago and heard me singing this…
13. The Addams Family Values
I’m giving the nod to the sequel here although both are amazing. Wednesday and Pugsley going to some over the top preppy summer camp is absolute gold plus Fester is being manipulated by that evil bitch Debbie. Joan Cusack was great in this. This one-liner will never not get a laugh out of me (especially given the relevance of today)…
12. A Little Princess
Long story short. A girl gets dropped into a boarding school after her wealthy father joins the fight in WW1. The headmistress of the school is a bitch. Once news breaks that her father died, she makes her a servant basically. Spoiler alert, her dad wasn’t killed. However, he suffered from amnesia. She finds him next door escaping arrest. Her dad takes her and her friend Becky (other servant) and they live happily ever after. That stupid bitch Miss Munchin ends up homeless.
11. Dennis The Menace
Watching this the other day, it’s still so damn good. Christopher Lloyd as the thief and Walter Matthau as Mr. Wilson were both great casting choices. In addition, the music in it is fantastic. I always noticed it as a kid. But as an adult, I just appreciate the subtlety of it now. Also, remember Buzz from Home Alone? He’s a dumbass in this too…
10. The Brady Bunch
In addition to being one of American Television’s favorite families, they are cheesy beyond belief. Much like the aforementioned Addams Family, the Brady’s were given a movie and a sequel with some serious star power including Gary Cole, Shelley Long, Michael McKean and the beautiful Christine Taylor. There was also a cameo by the Monkees. This one still has me cracking up including the cheesiest of cheesy with the scene below…
9. Blank Check
Every child’s wet dream is to get a million dollars. Preston lived that dream out for us by buying all the dope toys imaginable. Plus this dude had a water slide connected to his house. The downside, he had crooks out to get him. In the end, he won because his family loved him.
8. My Girl
Watch it and not cry, I dare you. If you can, you are a soulless piece of shit. In addition to the total cheesiness, the movie grips your heart tighter than a Boa Constrictor. The plot line alone is pretty heavy. 11-year-old Vada Sultenfuss (that’s cheesy in and of itself) lost her mom who died while giving birth to her. She lives with her father who is a funeral director who operates services out of their home. She’s very morbid and doesn’t fully understand the extent of death until she loses her best friend, Thomas J. For the love of God, someone put his fucking glasses on.
7. Jungle 2 Jungle
A Wall Street broker (Michael Cromwell) goes to see his ex-wife (now with a tribe in Venezuela) to finalize a divorce only to find out he has a 13-year-old son named Mimi-Siku. Translation…cat piss. Weird flex, but ok Mimi. He brings him along with his pet spider back to New York with him where his son is adjusting to city life, including eating cereal out of bowl. Never forget, kukuvay always mean.
6. First Kid
Top to bottom, this is legitimately a gem. I watched this one a few months back and again, still great. Sinbad is absolutely hilarious as Luke Davenport’s personal security.
It’s Rodney Dangerfield so you already know it’s beyond the means of appropriate. The premise is he is trying to impress his boss by taking the company soccer team to the top. They are in a rebuilding phase. So he convinces his girlfriend’s son who is a troubled star athlete to play. The scene below is a complete shot at soccer mom’s everywhere. It’s not subtle about it at all making it even better. GET THOSE NAIL BREAKERS! Growing up with two older sisters who traveled for soccer every damn weekend, I can attest to this kind of lunacy of soccer parents.
4. Now and Then
Another cheesy chick film, but I don’t care. I still love it. Another movie that deals a lot with death and trying to make sense of it. It is very morbid and dark in a lot of ways. It also is overly cheesy including this scene. Let it be known that Roberta is not to be fucked with.
3. Man of the House
Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Chevy Chase at this point in time, can’t beat it. Another story of someone trying to win over the affection of his SO’s son. Meanwhile, the son is simultaneously plotting to get rid of him through joining Indian Guides. At least before the new boyfriend can boil their heads in acid.
2. Dunston Checks In
All this trouble over a dang Pongo Pygmaeus. Escaping a thieving asshole and animal abuser to an animal control agent to a pretentious boss, Ryan and Kyle do their best to keep Dunston safe while their dad (hotel manager) can operate smoothly. That is tough with a primate though.
1. Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Goat shit right here. This movie is fan-freaking-tastic top to bottom. Detective Eddie hates toons due to one killing his brother. He teams up to help figure out who framed Roger Rabbit. Turns out it was the corrupt Judge Doom, who was also a toon! WHAT! The same toon that killed Eddie’s brother! Along the way, we get plenty of cameos from Mickey Mouse to Tweedy Bird.