Unapologetically Me

NFL 2020 Week 3 Power Rankings – Every Team is a Fictional Sports Reference

Before diving in to the power rankings, here are the Week 2 Results as well as Passing, Rushing and Receiving Leaders.

Week 2 Results
  • Browns def. Bengals 35-30
  • Bears def. Giants 17-13
  • Cowboys def. Falcons 40-39
  • Packers def. Lions 42-21
  • Titans def. Jaguars 33-30
  • Colts def. Vikings 28-11
  • Bills def. Dolphins 31-28
  • 49ers def. Jets 31-13
  • Rams def. Eagles 37-19
  • Steelers def. Broncos 26-21
  • Buccaneers def. Panthers 31-17
  • Cardinals def. Football Team 30-15
  • Chiefs def. Chargers 23-20
  • Ravens def. Texans 33-16
  • Seahawks def. Patriots 35-30
  • Raiders def. Saints 34-24
Top 5 Passing, Rushing and Receiving Leaders After Week 2

1. Josh Allen – 729 yards
2. Matt Ryan – 723 yards
3. Dak Prescott – 716 yards
4. Teddy Bridgewater – 636 yards
5. Russell Wilson – 610 yards

1. Aaron Jones – 234 yards
2. Derrick Henry – 200 yards
3. Ezekiel Elliot – 185 yards
4. Nick Chubb – 184 yards
5. Josh Jacobs – 181 yards

1. Stefon Diggs – 239 yards
2. Calvin Ridley – 239 yards
3. Julian Edelman – 236 yards
4. Robby Anderson – 223 yards
5. DeAndre Hopkins 219 yards

Week 3 Power Rankings

32. New York Jets (0-2)

Last Week: 29
Character: Uncle Rico, Napoleon Dynamite

Yeah I am sure Uncle Rico can throw a football over them mountains just as I am sure Adam Gase is capable of coaching a winning football team.

31. Detroit Lions (0-2)

Last Week: 32
Character: Apollo Creed, Rocky IV

You can pretty much expect the Matt Patricia era to die this season.

30. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2)

Last Week: 30
Character: Shane Falco, The Replacements

Win or lose, they have been fun to watch. Plus Joe Burrow is just as lovable as the great Shane Falco.

29. Philadelphia Eagles (0-2)

Last Week: 16
Character: Johnny (Randy Quaid), Major League II

Because I am pretty sure the Philly fans are ready to turn Lincoln Financial into a parking lot right about now.

28. Houston Texans (0-2)

Last Week: 25
Character: Ray Budds, Remember The Titans

You remember Ray? The guy who was kicked off the team for not blocking. Cue the Texans offensive line for 2020. Bless Deshaun Watson’s heart for trying.

27. Cleveland Browns (1-1)

Last Week: 31
Character: Jimmy The King, Ready to Rumble

I am rooting hard for them because of Baker Mayfield just as us wrestling fans cheered for The King. Will they ever be able to achieve glory or does it ultimately end in failure?

26. Carolina Panthers (0-2)

Last Week: 26
Character: Gary Gaines, Friday Night Lights

They just lost their Boobie Miles for a few weeks in CMC. Can Matt Rhule figure it out in the meantime?

25. Minnesota Vikings (0-2)

Last Week: 15
Character: Allen Bosley, Remember the Titans

Total liability defensively.

24. Washington Football Team (1-1)

Last Week: 27
Character: District 5 Hockey, The Mighty Ducks

They both share God awful names. Nothing else matters.

23. Miami Dolphins (0-2)

Last Week: 28
Character: Danny O’Shea, Little Giants

Much like Danny (Rick Moranis), Brian Flores is a coach that is easy to love. He overperformed in 2019 with his roster. So far this year, the Dolphins have been competitive in both losses. Don’t take them lightly. There’s always ONE TIME!

22. Atlanta Falcons (0-2)

Last Week: 24
Character: Monstars, Space Jam

Loads of talent, yet they blow large leads better than anyone.

21. New York Giants (0-2)

Last Week: 23
Character: Boobie Miles, Friday Night Lights

Someone compared Saquon Barkley’s running style Bo Jackson to me recently. It stuck the landing because he does just run different. Everything about him is special. He battled a handful of injuries last year and now he is gone for the season with an ACL tear.

20. Chicago Bears (2-0)

Last Week: 20
Character: Richmond High School, Coach Carter

It hasn’t been pretty thus far. But, they’re getting the job done in the win column.

19. Los Angeles Chargers (1-1)

Last Week: 21
Character: Phil Brickma, Rookie of the Year

When you have team doctors puncturing the lungs of your starting QB, that’s not good. What’s next? Innovations like hot ice?

18. Denver Broncos (0-2)

Last Week: 18
Character: Rudy, Rudy

Two close losses to two quality teams. I still think they could still be a surprise team in 2020.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)

Last Week: 22
Character: Calvin Cambridge, Like Mike

This was supposed to be a tank year, but Gardner Minshew’s mustache said otherwise.

16. Las Vegas Raiders (2-0)

Last Week: 19
Character: Herman Boone, Remember the Titans

The Raiders are sitting pretty at 2-0 under Jon Gruden. While many weren’t buying into TC Williams this early, I am not buying into the Raiders just yet. I love me some Gruden as well as Boone though.

15. Dallas Cowboys (1-1)

Last Week: 10
Character: Cowboys, Little Giants

Much like the movie, you are much better on paper than you have shown two games into the season thus far.

14. Indianapolis Colts (1-1)

Last Week: 14
Character: Scott Howard, Teen Wolf

There is more to the Colts than meets the eye. I believe we saw a taste of that in the week 2 thrashing of the Vikings.

13. Los Angeles Rams (2-0)

Last Week: 17
Character: Sonny Weaver, Draft Day

You have managed to fuck up your future. Yet, here you are staying alive. Maybe you have a miracle in you after all.

12. Tennessee Titans (2-0)

Last Week: 12
Character: Jack Parkman, Major League II

Real simple thought process on the Titans. Don’t stand on the track when the train’s coming through. The train is Derrick Henry.

11. Arizona Cardinals (2-0)

Last Week: 13
Character: Billy Hoyle, White Men Can’t Jump

Hoyle doesn’t technically steal from people. Just like the Cardinals technically didn’t steal DeAndre Hopkins. Both just found gullible people to hustle. We still view it as someone really kicking themselves in the ass for letting it happen.

10. New England Patriots (1-1)

Last Week: 11
Character: Henry Rowengartner, Rookie of the Year

Cam Newton is having quite the resurgence and it is awesome to watch. I love me some Super Cam. Much like Henry, if that magic burns out, they are as good as done.

9. Buffalo Bills (2-0)

Last Week: 9
Character: Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

It isn’t the most orthodox brand of football thanks to Josh Allen, but they are damn fun to watch.

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)

Last Week: 8
Character: Johnny Lawrence, The Karate Kid

Yes. Tom Brady is older and has seen younger days. But he is still the best quarterback of all time no matter what happens in 2020. Nothing will change that. Let the hate continue to flow through your veins as he is a misunderstood villain.

7. New Orleans Saints (1-1)

Last Week: 2
Character: Nate Scarborough, The Longest Yard

Much like Nate, Brees looks old and decrepit.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0)

Last Week: 7
Character: Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy

The defense knows how to get after the QB led by TJ Watt. There isn’t a team in the NFL who is better equipped to live in opponent’s backfields.

5. San Francisco 49ers (1-1)

Last Week: 6
Character: Earl Megget, The Longest Yard

When healthy, the Niners are a damn good football team. The offense is driven by their ability to run the football under Kyle Shanahan. They are unfortunately getting bit with the injury bug right now. This was an easy parallel to make.

4. Green Bay Packers (2-0)

Last Week: 5
Character: Charles Jefferson, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

When you piss off Charles Jefferson, he will punish you. When you piss off Aaron Rodgers, he will punish you.

3. Seattle Seahawks (2-0)

Last Week: 4
Character: Rocky Balboa, Rocky

You can underestimate Russell Wilson all you want. But when it is all said and done, history will remember him correctly.

2. Baltimore Ravens (2-0)

Last Week: 3
Character: Willie Beamen, Any Given Sunday

Lamar Jackson is a supreme athlete. He appears to be picking up where he left off during his MVP run in 2019. Put the ball in his hands and good things will happen.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (2-0)

Last Week: 1
Character: Mighty Ducks

You love to root for them no matter what. Great coach in Andy Reid much like Bombay. Great leader and quarterback in Mahomes who is basically Charlie Conway and Adam Banks packed into one person. You have great enforcers on defense like Tyrann Mathieu and Frank Clark similar to the Bash Brothers (Fulton Reed and Dean Portman). You have a short crafty runner in Clyde Edwards-Helaire similar to WU WU WU KENNY WU! You have an absolute speedster in Tyreek Hill similar to Luis Mendoza.


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