One of my favorite parts about Christmas is the movies, both the mainstream and Hallmark movies. Yeah I like the Hallmark movies too so suck it. I love Christmas and I love movies. So here we go…
5. The Santa Clause
I watched this movie just the other day. It never gets old. Tim Allen killed Santa so he put on the suit and the reindeer knew what to do. I guess this movie taught us this, if nothing else, kill Santa to become Santa and your son will love your more than ever before. No, this really is a Christmas classic. Also, can we appreciate how fucking great Bernard, the head elf, is? What a true OG.
4. Die Hard
Opinions are like assholes. We all have them and they all stink. However, for those who say Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie, your opinion is wrong. When terrorists try to take over a skyscraper on Christmas Eve, John McClane isn’t playing around with that bullshit. This movie took place on Christmas Eve, therefore it is a Christmas movie. It is also one of the best Christmas movies because it features John Freaking McClane. Yippee ki yay mother fucker.
3. Home Alone
Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! Ohhh man. My wife and I make sure to watch this one every year. The first time we watched it in 2017 was early November because we are “those” people. Kevin McAllister is what we all aspired to be as 8 year-olds. How many 8 year olds do you know that can take down two professional criminals without a scratch? The only question about the entire situation is how is this little shit scared of “Angles with Filthy Souls?” Yet, he isn’t scared of Harry and Marv.
2. A Christmas Story
You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. This movie may be one of the cheesiest damn films I have ever seen. But damn it, that is what makes it so great. My wife and I refuse to watch this until Christmas Eve and then we leave it on the same channel on every TV in the house and let the 24 hour marathon play. I loved this movie as a child and it has trickled into adulthood.
Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color? This is classic Will Ferrell. This is may be the most quotable Christmas movie of them all. It is easily the funniest Christmas movie in existence. Always remember to stick the four main food groups: candy, candy corn, candy canes and syrup. Even if you are eating spaghetti. And of course, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. So go sing in a store and let that cheer spread on.