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5 Best Christmas Movies

December 19, 2017Michael Hotard

One of my favorite parts about Christmas is the movies, both the mainstream and Hallmark movies. Yeah I like the Hallmark movies too so suck it. I love Christmas and I love movies. So here we go…

5. The Santa Clause

I watched this movie just the other day. It never gets old. Tim Allen killed Santa so he put on the suit and the reindeer knew what to do. I guess this movie taught us this, if nothing else, kill Santa to become Santa and your son will love your more than ever before. No, this really is a Christmas classic. Also, can we appreciate how fucking great Bernard, the head elf, is? What a true OG.

4. Die Hard

Opinions are like assholes. We all have them and they all stink. However, for those who say Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie, your opinion is wrong. When terrorists try to take over a skyscraper on Christmas Eve, John McClane isn’t playing around with that bullshit. This movie took place on Christmas Eve, therefore it is a Christmas movie. It is also one of the best Christmas movies because it features John Freaking McClane. Yippee ki yay mother fucker.

3. Home Alone

Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof! Ohhh man. My wife and I make sure to watch this one every year. The first time we watched it in 2017 was early November because we are “those” people. Kevin McAllister is what we all aspired to be as 8 year-olds. How many 8 year olds do you know that can take down two professional criminals without a scratch? The only question about the entire situation is how is this little shit scared of “Angles with Filthy Souls?” Yet, he isn’t scared of Harry and Marv.

2. A Christmas Story

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. This movie may be one of the cheesiest damn films I have ever seen. But damn it, that is what makes it so great. My wife and I refuse to watch this until Christmas Eve and then we leave it on the same channel on every TV in the house and let the 24 hour marathon play. I loved this movie as a child and it has trickled into adulthood.

1. Elf

Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color? This is classic Will Ferrell. This is may be the most quotable Christmas movie of them all. It is easily the funniest Christmas movie in existence. Always remember to stick the four main food groups: candy, candy corn, candy canes and syrup. Even if you are eating spaghetti. And of course, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. So go sing in a store and let that cheer spread on.

Top 5 Bandwagon Fans

September 8, 2017September 8, 2017Michael Hotard

Bandwagon fans in sports are just the absolute worst, aren’t they? I mean they cheer on their teams when things are good, but when things are not so good, they are nowhere to be found.

For die-hards, the term “bandwagon” is the last thing they ever want to hear. It basically means you only care when the team is doing well. As per request from the Huddle Nation, here are the top 5 bandwagon fan bases.

Honorable Mention: Philadelphia Eagles

They will turn on their players or coaches in a heartbeat. Just ask Donovan McNabb or Andy Reid. They also run their mouths more than just about anyone. I used to love when the Saints played the Eagles because I would talk shit to them for the whole game and proceed to watch their entire life fade as they realized they were going to lose. These people threw snowballs at Santa Claus. They are assholes and deserve to be treated as such.

5. New Orleans Saints

I know this will probably piss a lot of my friends and family off, but it is 110% true. My dad bought us season tickets in 2003. Prior to the Saints getting Drew Brees, I remember going to the games and the Superdome being empty. I remember several games being blacked out. No one was putting up with the Aaron Brooks and Jim Haslett era. People will tell you how “bad” the Saints were, meanwhile under Sean Payton, they are doing the same thing as of late. They are flirting with .500. Although this fan base probably doesn’t deserve to be in the top 5, I am putting them there simply because they ignore the fact that they do front run. I am big on self-awareness and clearly the fans have none.

4. Whichever team LeBron is playing for

As much as I enjoy LeBron, his fans can be some of the most aggravating. For the record, if you like the player and want to follow him, cool. Spare me how you were such a Cleveland Cavs diehard or Miami Heat diehard before he showed up. No you weren’t. I know it. You know it. Everyone else knows it. Admit you like LeBron and you just want to spot whatever team he is playing for.

3. Golden State Warriors

I get it. They are flashy. They are fast-paced. They are fun. But don’t pretend you love and have always loved the Warriors. Get on Facebook or other social media sites during the NBA playoffs and you see dubs statuses all over the place. The only reason they make the list now is because they are relevant. If this was three years ago, the Seattle Seahawks would probably be in this spot.

2. Dallas Cowboys

It is not just that Cowboys fans are front runners. They are also the most annoying breed of people. You will hear me say this on more than one occasion. If you want to run your mouth, do it when the chips are down and not just when things are going your way. Cowboys fans are notorious for this. They are the loudest when things are good. That is a recipe for hate.

1. Michael Freaking Hotard

Although Saints are the hometown team and I will always claim them, I tend to gravitate toward good teams. My philosophy as a fan is that if I am going to spend my valuable time watching something, I am not wasting it on poo poo. I want to watch a good product. The Saints have been miserable to watch as of late. Despite having season tickets, I have missed more games (8) in the last two years than I had for the previous 11 combined probably. I used to never miss a game. Now, I rather spend my Sundays watching better football. I absolutely love the Patriots because they know how to maximize all of their talent and they have Tom Brady. I love the Packers because Aaron Rodgers is a freaking magician at QB. I love watching the Seahawks because their defense is absurd. In basketball, I enjoy watching the Warriors because they are pleasing to the eye. LeBron is the most dominant force in the NBA. Does this mean I will stake my claim to these teams? No. I am not going to be THAT guy who pretends like I have been a fan of these teams forever. I am a front runner and forgive that I would rather not spend my time watching garbage. Sue me.

Top 5 Fantasy Football Stereotypes

August 19, 2017Michael Hotard

I have been playing fantasy football since I was 15. Holy shit, I just realized I have been playing for 11 years. There is nothing better than having an excuse to bad mouth my friends for four months out of the year. I have my first draft today, which is awesome! Best of luck to all of you. By best of luck, I mean I hope you all come down with amoebic dysentery and shit yourself. Since that is what will happen today!

I recently posted my fantasy football preview and urged anyone who doesn’t play to join a league. There are people you will notice upon joining any league. For those who have played, you probably know these people all too well. Sadly, I fit the description of some of these stereotypes.

5. The Commissioner

You can pretty much guarantee this guy will get made fun of the most. Take it from someone who knows. Our group messages consists of everyone shitting on me. Although, I can hold my own. Being a commissioner sucks. But if I don’t do it, who will? I get to listen to people bitch about stat corrections, bullshit excuses why they lost and organize draft parties. Us commissioners also tend to think we are more important than we actually are. So maybe that is the case here. Just know, being commissioner sucks.

4. The Stat Head

This is the guy who can tell you who is a good fantasy player and who is primed to be a bust. He is a total pain in the ass though. He asserts himself into every non-fantasy conversation and pretends fantasy is the be-all end-all to determining great players. In short, this guy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

3. The Girl

Every league has them now. Most people think they will walk all over the person with the vagina (probably shouldn’t assume that). Yet somehow, the girl in your league will probably finish in the top three or four. The girls tend to be smarter than the guys because they don’t overthink the moves. They don’t get cute and try to find the next steal or make any risky moves. They follow the ranks. They are like iceman from Top Gun. They are cold, calculated and stick to the status quo. They usually have one player they fangirl out over. No one is ever faulting a girl for taking Tom Brady though.

2. The Trash Talker

This person doesn’t shut up…also me. The entire draft you will hear this person shit on the picks. They are trying to get people to make stupid decisions so they can have someone fall to them. These people make the league fun. They are always willing to make side bets. They are usually willing to put their money where their mouth is. If you don’t like trash talk, stay the fuck out of my leagues.

1. The Sacko

The sacko is the guy who never sets his lineup. He probably doesn’t know that Terrell Owens is retired. Every league needs a sacko. When that playoff push rolls around, take advantage of them and trade rape them. Convince them that Mark Ingram and Tajae Sharp is totally worth it for LeVeon Bell. Don’t be the sacko.