Unapologetically Me

The One Where I Rank Everything (All Your Favorite Clips Included)

It is no secret that I am a massive Friends fan. I have watched it through multiple times. It is one of the shows that never gets old. It’s also a show that has such a cult following and passionate fan base. I am in that number.

With my wife being home and a new baby in the house, the TV is constantly on throughout the day. If it’s not food network, it is Friends that occupies my background noise throughout the day. When I take a break from working to eat lunch, Friends is usually on. That is what inspired me to write this.

My best ideas come from two places, the shower or the shitter. I thought in the shower last night that it would be fun to rank the best Friends characters and some of my favorite episodes.

That is what I will do. You will find the following rankings in this blog…

  • Top 5 Secondary Characters
  • Top 5 Cameos
  • Top 5 Episodes
  • Top 5 Emotional Moments
  • Top 5 References Fans Will Never Forget
  • Who Was Right: Ross or Rachel?
  • Ranking the 6 Friends

Let’s play BAMBOOZLED! Just kidding, let’s just start this ranking.

Top 5 Secondary Characters

  • Gunther

If you don’t love Gunther, you should never watch another episode.The Central Perk manager who was once an actor on All My Children and loves Rachel appeared to be on the brink of mental breakdown the entire series.

  • Mike

You had me at Paul Rudd. Plus he and Phoebe deserve each other.

  • Mr. Heckles

Carl from Billy Madison has definitely taken a turn for the worst. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t love the crazy old neighbor Mr. Heckles.

  • Jack Geller

As much I can’t stand Judy, I love Jack the same. I can’t think of someone in TV history who sucks at reading the room more than him.

  • Dr. Richard Burke

Three words, Tom Fucking Selleck. If you don’t have a man crush on Tom Selleck, you are not a man. If Monica and Richard couldn’t be together, I am damn sure glad it was Chandler.

Top 5 Cameos

  • Jon Lovitz (Steve)

Steve was invited to Monica’s apartment where should could a gourmet meal for him. The problem is he was high as a fucking kite. So, gourmet wasn’t on his menu. I fill now forever say the tartlet like this…

  • Alec Baldwin (Parker)

Basically Phoebe kind of positive on steroids. Baldwin played the overly optimistic date of Phoebe and annoyed the shit out of everyone.

  • Ben Stiller (Tommy)

Speaking of over the top. Ross tried to get everyone to see what a butt Tommy was for the entire episode. Much like Parker’s equivalence to Phoebe, he made Red Ross look like sunshine and rainbows.

  • Isabella Rosselini (herself)

Once again, Ross is the butt of the joke here. After taking Isabella off his list of five celebs he can cheat with, he sees her. Rachel gives him the green light to go for it. Ross fails miserably.

  • Danny DeVito (Roy the Stripper)

I rest my case.

Top 5 Episodes

  • The One Where No One Is Ready

Three things made this episode great. The chicken fat. Ross being Ross. Of course this gem…

  • The One with the Prom Video

There was plenty of drama in this one as Monica gets fired, Ross and Rachel fighting (big fucking surprise), Joey’s gold bracelet and it ends with the show’s main love affair getting together.

  • The One with the Embryos

No other reason than the quiz. For the record, Chandler is not a transponster.

  • The One with all the Thanksgivings

In addition to all the backstories told in this episode, the best part is Chandler telling Monica he loves her in the most Chandler fashion imaginable.

  • The One Where Everybody Finds Out

The cat is out of the bag as Monica and Chandler’s relationship is out in the open to all of the friends. They basically play a game of cat and mouse with each other. Although it contains one of the biggest continuity errors where Chandler once again says he loves her. Her reaction made it seem like it was the first time, unless she was happy he said it in front of everyone. They Don’t Know That We Know They Know We Know.

Top 5 Emotional Moments

  • Ross says the wrong name

By far the biggest OH FUCK moment of the show. I remember seeing this for the first time pumping my fist. Unlike some of the others I include, this was more of a fuck yeah let go type of emotion.

  • Rachel Gets Off the Plane

You knew it was coming, but shit. Watching this for the first time was absolutely agonizing. Ross reacting to the voicemail was amazing. Then to end the scene, of course a joke is made about being on a break. Classic Ross.

  • Monica and Chandler Find Out They Can’t Have Kids

This scene will never not make me cry. The biggest fear for my wife and I was not being able to have children. We were fortunate. We went through some trouble for our first. So this scene always hits close to home.

  • Chandler Pleads to Erica

Chandler fighting for the babies to Erica on behalf is harder to watch than the aforementioned. Again, from experience, that is how I felt about my wife. When you take a vow to someone, part of that is protecting them from pain. Unfortunately, there is some pain you can’t protect them from. When he says Monica is a mother without a baby, that kills me every time. Been there, felt that.

  • The Final Scene

The perfect ending to a show. All the keys on the counter of the apartment. The last line of the show is a joke by Chandler. Perfect.

Top 5 References Fans Won’t Forget

  • Moo Point

  • Transponster

I am not sharing the video again, but you saw it above.

  • Unagi

  • Pivot

  • Smelly Cat

Who was right? Ross or Rachel.

I have always thought the whole “we’re on a break” thing is relationships is a blurred line at best. Quite frankly, I find it stupid. You are either in a relationship or you are not. We know Ross can be as annoying as they come, but they were in fact on a break and Ross did nothing wrong. Therefore, he wins this debate. Rachel needed to calm the fuck down about it.

Ranking the 6 Friends

  • Ross Geller

For the record, I don’t hate any of the main 6. I know some despise Ross’ existence. Yes, he is absolutely annoying. He is absolutely hilarious. More so the situations he gets himself into. He has more baggage than most of them. Whatever you do, don’t touch his fucking sandwich.

  • Rachel Green

Ross and Rachel have and always will be my two least favorites of the six. Again, I still love them. But, I ultimately am creating a ranking here. Rachel’s backstory of some spoiled rich girl to working woman and mother is awesome. Just don’t ask her to make a trifle.

  • Monica Geller

I don’t care that she is the definition of OCD. I love her in a “I would wife her” kind of way. I always joke that my wife is the Monica to my Chandler. Of course I love Monica because she does in fact remind me of my wife. A bit high strung, but loyal to a fault and always someone you want on your side. Whatever you do, don’t play her. Otherwise you end up like Julio on the receiving end of a dapper dan group singing about your baggage. Don’t be a butt munch. No one likes a butt munch.

  • Phoebe Buffay

Monica used to be three until more recently. I feel like I appreciate Phoebe “dumb blonde” humor more than I used to. I find myself laughing at her hysterically once or twice every episode because of something she does or says. She’s also very direct and I love that. On top of that, if you need a stage name, she can deliver.

  • Joey Tribbiani

One half of the greatest bromance gets the nod for second best. He is easily the most dense of the group which makes for great comedic moments. But most importantly, I think he is the best friend in terms of keeping the group together. He is a strong glue that holds them together thanks to a great heart. Just don’t ask for his food.

  • Chandler Bing

The GOAT. The Great One. The Best Friend There Is. Mrs. Chanandler Bong is the best. I am sucker for one liners and he has them. Behind the defense mechanism that is his sarcasm, he’s a great guy. The humor alone gives him the nod. But, he proved to be an amazing friend to Joey when he was struggling to get over as an actor. He is utterly loyal to Monica. He owns his baggage. The best part about owning your baggage is you’re pretty much untouchable. As a bonus, here are my 5 favorite one liners…

  • All right. I took the quiz. It turns out I do put career before men.
  • Was that place the Sun?
  • I’m not great the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
  • I’m sorry we, we don’t have your sheep.
  • Well, maybe he was nervous.




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