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Self worth. It’s a term I have thought about lately. By lately, I mean the last year or so.

I consider myself a confident person. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my days where I beat myself up. Those days have been happening more frequently lately, really since moving to Atlanta. I have felt inadequate for an unbelievably shallow reason.

Money.

Let’s cut the crap and not pretend that society doesn’t apply pressure based on the amount of money one makes. I have had people insult me because they make exponentially more money than I do during arguments or disagreement. I never react to it because those people are usually compensating for their insecurities in other areas.

There are parts of certain pillars of society from politicians to influencers to billionaires who think if you don’t make enough money, you’re either too stupid or too lazy to be rich.

I am ok with the fact I ran a business that failed during the pandemic. We gave it our all and shit happens. When we finally pulled the plug on the marketing company, that meant it was time to job search again. Unfortunately, that search has yielded less than ideal results for me. I already detailed my previous job in a post a few months ago. I thought the job I am currently at would be a more long term solution until it wasn’t. It boils down to the almighty dollar.

It doesn’t matter that I have a loving wife who supports me. It doesn’t matter that I have two children who’s faces light up when I walk in the door. Those two things alone should be enough for me to not beat myself up over the amount of money I bring home. They don’t care about those things. My wife sees someone who works hard and doing the best with what I have. But, I want more for myself. I’m worth more.

I have come to terms with the fact that there is a certain threshold financially that I likely will never see based on my career path and experience. There are some aspects of life I would love a mulligan on, career path is the top of that list.

Without giving away the name of the company or what I am currently doing, I don’t make much money and I feel duped on a situation that played out. I took my current position with the preconceived idea that I would be moving up in short time. Financial compensation once promoted was discussed and it seemed like an almost sure thing with the notion that I would still need to formally interview. No problem. I eventually interviewed and apparently did not say the right things.

I was asked if I would rather a team of people who could sell or a team of people who could provide excellent customer service. I did not provide the correct answer. I wouldn’t change my answer if I had a mulligan on it though because my answer was honest. My response was customer service because I can teach someone to sell. I can’t teach someone to have compassion for people.

I later found out that I did not get the position because I was “too customer service focused” versus sales focused. The only thing I could think was “did you even read my resume? The sales numbers speak for itself.” Then a contingency plan was put in place for an eventual promotion without much of a timeline. Unfortunately, I am on a time crunch. So there was no telling on when or if that promotion would come.

Meanwhile I have my wife in my ear (again, wonderful support system), it’s ok we have time. Don’t stress yourself out. My inner voice says otherwise. The stubbornness took over…nah fuck that, I want more.

I began scoping the market out. I found a job that I thought would be a good fit for. In fact, I had a friend echo the same saying I was a perfect fit. Then again, I have applied for probably 200+ jobs since July and have only had maybe 12 interviews. So my idea of a good fit may not be the same idea as the person hiring.

I applied and messaged the job poster on the site. I figured why not shoot my shot. We had a brief exchange of messages before I received a chance for a formal interview. I basically talked my way into the interview process.

It was a panel style interview and I thought I knocked it out of the park. Apparently so did they. There was one reservation regarding my experience and it was undeniably plausible. At first, it was a rejection which I took in stride because I appreciated the transparency and giving me an actual reason why. One of my biggest issues with job hunting is not knowing the why. I second guess everything.

Then a few days ago I received a message on the job site asking to call if I was still interested. Well…shit yeah I am.

I immediately messaged back saying I would call once I got off work that day. I was over the freaking moon. I wanted this job to begin with because I know I’d be great at it and enjoy it. Obviously, I am interested to speak again.

The job itself requires two things that I have a knack for. The first is providing excellent customer service. The second is cultivating relationships with people. Those two skills go hand in hand in many ways.

That second reason is ultimately why I received an offer. When I called, the owner told me more in detail about those reservations they had. Again, completely plausible. However, they were alleviated after talking to the references I have listed on my resume. One is my former business partner. The other is a former co-worker. Both also happen to be two of my best friends on the planet. He told me during the call “you have some amazing friends that think very highly of you.”

Well…yeah. I know I do. Ironically enough the cultivation of relationships is why those two are my friends. I feel I have always been good at connecting with people quickly. Some stick around. Some don’t.

Going back to the two skills, I learned and honed in on those while working with Anytime Fitness. That is a job and company that will forever hold a place in my heart. I worked with and for wonderful people. That same family driven style of business that made it great is the exact reason I am drawn to the position I just accepted.

When I accepted the job in 2015 there, I was broken. I ran the gauntlet with my previous position in journalism. It drove me out of the media despite having an offer on the table. I would hardly say broken to describe the current situation. I would certainly say increasingly frustrated.

When I was hired with Anytime, the owner was concerned that it was a stepping stone for me. That was a conversation we had on more than one occasion. I ended up staying with the company for nearly four years. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.

I got the same vibe from the person who hired me with the position I accepted recently, that this is a stepping stone. I understand that concern. When people look at my resume, they primarily see marketing and media. It’s a natural reaction that I expect.

I have taken only one position in my adulthood with full intention of moving on quickly. It was the job that brought me to Atlanta. The position I am leaving is one I expected to be long term until I began seeing some business ethics I didn’t like and the lack of transparency. There are companies who have “values” on paper, but don’t withhold those same values in practice. It’s easy to spot that.

With the new position I accepted, it is a relatively small company. Certainly smaller than the last two. It is big enough to where they made me an offer that I would be a jackass to turn down. It’s always amazing that the smaller scale companies are usually more willing to invest in the people who run their business. Without going into the details, they invest in their employees futures and there was an additional offer extended that showed me who they are as a company. That offer tells me one thing and the only thing I need to know, they see the value in me.

I will be traveling for the next 10 days for job training and meeting some others in the company. They are kind enough to fly me back to New Orleans for my daughter’s birthday party and baptism, no questions asked. Another sure sign that they actually care about the people that work for them.

For the first time in 8 months, I’m excited about my job and the financial position I’ll be in. It’s been a long road filled with rejections, no call backs and false hope. Let the record show, job hunting absolutely sucks.

After finally landing a job I am proud to take and all the emotional strain I have put on myself has been released, this quote pretty much embodies how I feel and how I have felt since moving…

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! I’m always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.

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